TEACHERS: No, they're not builders

A recent My Turn article in your newspaper broke down teacher pay into dollars per hour. Analyzing teacher pay this way is a fool's errand as teachers are paid (appropriately) under contract, rather than billable hours. Still, assessing how teachers are compensated is a worthy endeavor and I think there are several ways a system overhaul could better serve the summer bums.

Teachers could be paid as mechanics. In this system, students would be wheeled into the shop so the teacher could assess the situation and charge accordingly. Many of the little cherubs would likely sail through grammar school very cheaply as they are motivated, hard working youngsters. Others would be more expensive. Heaven forbid you have a special needs student.

As my wrench-man says, "That's gonna burn a hole in your wallet." And just mention the acronym A.D.D. Oh my, that's like bringing a Ferrari in for a complete overhaul. Many mechanics won't even touch the job. As a mechanic, the teacher could also adjust the price as the work evolves. If Junior has a bad day, a parent might get a call explaining, "well, he was a little harder to smarten-up than we originally thought, so I'm gonna have to hit you for an extra hundred bucks."

Teachers could be paid as builders. In this system, parents would put their child's education up for a bid, and choose the one they like best. Like row houses, lots of growing minds would frame up easily (maybe bring in a sub-contractor to get that tricky calculus or Moby Dick ironed out) and bang, you've got an educated public. Generic, perhaps, but nuance and fancy extras like abstract thought, and confidence are for those who can afford it. Some teachers would of course overbid, knowing the student is a troublesome pit of contradictions and the owners are meddlesome nincompoops, but generally things would go well.

Teachers could be paid as athletes or gunslingers. Here, parents and guardians would lure the LeBron James and Tiger Woods of the pedagogical persuasion to come to town and win big. This requires the community at large to actually cooperate and agree on the pro of choice. I imagine high turnover as our local book burners would have a heart attack every time one of these primadonnas pulled a trick play - and of course, one bad season would be a blight on the school and someone would have to be made an example of. The best teachers would be tempted into greener pastures by wealthier districts. But teachers would be paid according to their most recent achievement, or disaster, and that's only fair.

There are other logical analogies... truckers paid by the load, restaurateurs charging by the lesson (a la carte), or strippers working for tips... but further extrapolation is unnecessary.

The point is that while the current system has flaws, it's better than other propositions. Breaking teacher compensation down to dollars per hour is silly, amateur thinking.

M. BURGAN

Coeur d'Alene