Accept no substitutes

We've reached that time of the winter season. Many panhandlers have had their fill of snow (as well as rain) and are anxious for an early spring.

And early spring advocates need look no further than a hairy critter back in Pennsylvania every year on Feb. 2 for their answer.

Punxsutawney Phil, a marmot, has been "predicting" the future of each snow season since the 1880s.

If he pops out of his burrow (er, is manhandled by officials and subject to countless photo flashes) and sees his shadow, legend has it that we are all in for another six weeks of winter. Some believe he is correct in his predictions more often than not. Others just expect more winter and are happy if the weather breaks a little early.

Since 1999, Phil has predicted an early spring only twice, so the law of averages says we are due for another one. Unfortunately, I don't think Phil knows about the law of averages...

Supposedly a marmot, a member of the ground squirrel family, will live roughly six years in the wild, closer to 10 in captivity. But legend has it that Phil is fed a sip of a mysterious "groundhog punch" every summer, which thusly lengthens his life. Naturally, much about Phil's private life is shrouded in secrecy.

Phil's "handlers," those monkey-suited, stovepipe-hat-laden individuals standing atop Gobblers Knob, a stage set up around Phil's supposed home (a large tree stump), are the only ones who can translate his prediction, and they then announce it to the world. Hmmm...

But don't take Phil's "word" for it - there are other ground-dwellers who have historically put their two cents in about Mother Nature's change of season.

Other predicting marmots have included Smith Lake Jake, Staten Island Chuck, General Beauregard Lee, Shubenacadie Sam and Wiarton Willie, Queen Charlotte, Sir Walter Wally, French Creek Freddie and Malverne Mel. All are from the eastern side of the United States and Canada.

Maybe that is because more people back east are curious about a quick end to winter, or maybe not. Supposedly, Groundhog Day is a Pennsylvania German tradition, stretching back to the 18th century. It was derived from a European tradition of weather prognostication involving a badger or sacred bear.

But that's all neither here nor there, literally.

The only public marmots I know of locally are located at Falls Park in Post Falls. The critters are fun to watch on your trek up to check out the falls, and they tend to make some noise when conversing with each other.

As far as predictions, I bet they're not talking, but I'll make a few. I predict a good amount of rain (and perhaps, yes, a bit more snow) falling between now and the middle of May, with an abundance of flowers blooming from late April onward. Before we know it, it'll be late fall again and we'll be on "snowflake watch," probably around the second week of November.

No applause, just throw me an acorn or two for all that wisdom.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017 or via e-mail at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.