America's grieving must progress

When tragedy strikes and death occurs, the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When the tragedy is en masse - sadly common throughout history and in war-torn communities - entire nations can get stuck in anger or, if the tragedy is ongoing, depression.

Anger is rooted in fear; fear seeks a source of blame. If we can point a finger at something identifiable, it provides a false but very powerful sense of security. After all, if the reason for the tragedy can't be corralled and labeled, it's difficult to prevent.

Some have difficulty accepting this lack of certainty. Some would rather believe that human nature is not basically the same everywhere, that individual experience is not responsible for changing personal direction. It's easier to believe that a religion, a culture, or a race is "bad" and somehow warps the soul. It's so much easier to identify an "enemy" that way.

We in the U.S. have been so lucky by comparison to the rest of the world. It took until 2001 before we knew an act of terrorism on that scale (unless you count slavery, arguably one of history's worst examples).

When it happened here nine years ago we all began to experience those stages of grief so familiar to our world neighbors. First we thought, no, this can't be happening. Then we felt a hole punched in the gut worrying, watching, and empathizing with the pain of victims, rescuers, and their loved ones.

That hole we filled with fear. So much fear. It's impossible not to be changed from such an experience. Americans changed together, so it also strengthened us with a common bond.

What tests us now is how we continue to define that change. Do we stay in the anger stage and rely on prejudgments? Do we believe in the First Amendment, or are we so angry we will essentially argue its repeal? Is there freedom of religion, or only freedom to share one religion?

We can't let extremists change our commitments to who we are, even when it hurts. We're stronger than that.

Social characteristics shouldn't matter; all the 9/11 rescuers and volunteers are heroes. Do we ignore the list of policemen, EMTs, firemen, relief workers and volunteers, sanitation workers and chaplains/imams, who labored and died at the site of the tragedy and were Muslim or with Middle and Near Eastern heritage? Some may doubt motivation, but the very first nation with a public broadcast condemning the attacks minutes afterward was Iran. I remember the same day a public announcement from a mosque leader in Seattle; the man was in tears expressing his sadness and condemning all violence.

Muslims and those of other faiths who have lived here for centuries are not the extremists who kill people using religion as an excuse. No more so than North Idaho Christians agree with the Aryan Nations or violence in the name of anyone's god. Those who point to text forget some of the provisions in other ancient religious texts, and the notions of metaphor and historical context used to explain them. If Islam itself turned its followers into terrorists, we would have seen daily horrors in most cities for decades. People interpret religion individually and regardless of cultural characteristics are generally the same, focusing on health, jobs, family, and happiness.

We will have greater success fighting terrorist activities if, instead of alienating with anger, we welcome Muslims of all races, ethnicities, and backgrounds who share the condemnation. At minimum we'd benefit from strength in numbers. At maximum we may learn that fundamentally, most people are the same. We may even progress to the last stage of grief and thereby heal.

Sholeh Patrick is an attorney and columnist for the Hagadone News Network. E-mail sholehjo@hotmail.com.