Change the world
"I'd love to change the world, but I don't know what to do, so I'll leave it up to you," the early 1970s rock band, Ten Years After, plays on the classic rock station in my car. While singing along I wonder, "Do I know what to do? Should I leave it up to someone else? Can I change the world?" Last week was the 20th anniversary of National Make a Difference Day and I wonder, "Why should I focus on making a difference only one day a year?" Let's spread the love all year long.
"Let it Be," "Change the World" and "Blowin in the Wind," take me back to my younger years as I sing along to the next songs played on mystereo. These songs have meaning, are songs of hope and songs asking me to make a difference in the world in which I live. These songs force me to think of my purpose and place in this world.
Anthropologist Loren Eiseley tells a story of one person making a difference for the life of what some might consider insignificant, brainless sea creatures.
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
Making a difference to one person is infectious. When a person feels cared for, loved, nurtured and supported, they often offer love, nurturing, support and care for others.
How can one person truly make a difference in another person's life? Creating permanent changes in a person's life can be overwhelming and unmanageable. Making small, doable changes in one's life takes little effort while offering huge rewards. Opening a door for one whose hands are full, or watching a friend's child while they shop are simple gestures, which make daily chores manageable. I offer little changes one can surprise their neighbor, friends or stranger with to make this world a better place.
• Put down the cell phone while driving, checking out at the grocery store, in public places and when greeting new people. If there are people around, don't use your phone. Texting or talking on the phone in public isolates the user from the people around him/her, it distracts the user from possible danger and is rude.
• Become a good listener. When someone is talking to you, close your mouth, open your ears and listen. Many people constantly think when another is talking, preparing for their own response. Instead of thinking, turn off the part of your brain that prepares for a response and truly listen to what the person is saying. After the person is done talking, think of your response and offer it. Many people come to therapy because no one listens to them. Become a therapeutic listener.
• Return your shopping cart to the cart corral. Returning to one's car after shopping to find a cart resting on your car with a resulting dent can ruin one's day. Taking the extra steps to park your cart in the corral burns calories and alleviates frustration.
• Give a gift. A card, small toy, a rock or flowers tells a person you were thinking of them. The more personalized the gift, the more important its meaning.
• Pay attention to the people around you. When stores are crowded, sidewalks full or the road busy, be courteous. Allow drivers to merge into your lane, park your shopping cart to the side of the aisle, talk with friends on the side of the sidewalk and pay attention to how your actions affect other people.
• Be helpful and kind to friends and strangers - open doors, carry groceries, allow people with fewer groceries to go ahead of you in line if you have a full basket, shovel the snow for your neighbor or help move a stalled car to the side of the road. Little helpful acts are huge to the person receiving the act.
• Pick up garbage. Carry a bag with you and pick up garbage when you see it.
• Be present. Letting others know they are important and valued offers significance. People need to feel purposeful and important. You might offer this by noticing when one is hurting, is happy, needs space or closeness. Being present offers the best of you to one in need.
• Stop at stop signs. Road rage starts when people do the unexpected or something illegal. When one runs a stop sign, those who view the illegal act get frustrated and lash out.
• Just be kind. Look people in the eyes, say hello to people you pass on the street, pick up people who fall, tell someone when they have spinach in their teeth or toilet paper hanging out of their pants. Imagine if you were the person in need of help and no one helped.
"You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one," John Lennon pines as he asks us to "Imagine." Imagine how one person can make a difference.
Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please e-mail him at bprutherford@hotmail.com and check out www.foodforthoughtcda.com.