What's on your bucket list?

I guess it's natural when you can see age 50 on the horizon to ponder how many good years you have left in you.

My father's death at age 66 only a few years ago really brought home the reality of finality. Now here I am less than 20 years away from that age myself.

So these days I put some thought here and there into what I want to accomplish before the final slumber. The big question I reflect on is: When you're on your death bed, what is it that you would be most upset about if you didn't at least give it a try?

I'm not offering this column to alarm anyone. As far as I know, I'm in relatively perfect health. Sure, I could lose a few pounds... and surely more than a few more, but a recent physical showed no signs of high blood pressure or any other maladies, so I expect to be around for awhile.

Before I get to my list, let's try to get a handle on this 'kick the bucket' phrase.

One theory suggests the phrase originated from the notion that people hanged themselves centuries ago by standing on a bucket with a noose around their neck and then kicked the bucket away.

Also, the wooden frame that was often used to hang animals up by their feet for slaughter was called a 'buchet,' or bucket. During the slaughter process, it wasn't uncommon for the animal to struggle, hence they also 'kicked the bucket.'

Urbandictionary.com offers this as the origin:

"The actual origin of the term is from England, and began in the later Middle Ages. A corpse would be laid out, and a bucket of holy water placed at its feet. Visitors could then sprinkle the deceased with Holy Water." The proximity of the bucket to the feet is what many believe led to the term.

So, at any rate, facing our own mortality is what the movie "The Bucket List" was concerned with. The Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman flick followed two terminally ill cancer patients as they tried to complete all the things they ever wanted to do before they died.

The two participate in skydiving, race car driving, Pyramid climbing and an African safari. Other less focused items included ' help a complete stranger for a common good,' 'witness something truly majestic' and 'kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.'

I won't spoil the movie any more for those who haven't seen it. And it really is a little out of most people's reach, since Nicholson's millionaire character can easily finance the most extravagant tasks on their list.

Growing up, I saw George Plimpton, a sportswriter, mix it up with NFL athletes during a preseason game in 'Paper Lion,' when he tried quarterbacking an NFL team (Alan Alda played Plimpton). George also wrote about other experiences, like playing on the PGA Tour (The Bogey Man,) a NHL hockey goalie (Open Net,) a major league pitcher (Out Of My League,) and another shot at being behind center in the NFL (Mad Ducks and Bears).

Granted Plimpton was participating for his profession, but he did get to live many people's dreams of competing against the best.

I have no such aspirations. I'd like to maybe get some golf swings in across the pond, probably in Ireland and/or Scotland. That would actually kill two birds with one stone, as some world travel would have to be included on my list. But an African safari? Probably not. The thought of an elephant stampede cutting my bucket list short would nix that.

Logically, you'd want to add something on the list that would make people remember you, make you notorious, or even infamous. I say the quirkier the accomplishment the better. You know, like that last bit on the evening news that makes everyone behind the desk chuckle or shake their heads.

First guy to ride an antelope down Hollywood Boulevard? First to swim from the Azores to Portugal wearing water wings? Fastest police turn on the autobahn in a Yugo?

The possibilities are endless.

At any rate, here's my list so far:

• Be around when my daughter graduates college and starts a family (Hopefully these are separated by a few years).

• Turn my wife into a champion body builder (This may require the most planning and effort, mainly because my wife has no desire to lift a weight for the sake of lifting a weight).

• Get Mark Nelke on 'Dancing with the Stars' as Julianne Hough's celebrity partner (I'm not sure the world is ready for these kind of moves, but it's gonna get 'em).

• Climb some substantial mountain "because it's there" (Again, this can't end my list, so it has to be something relatively safe. Maybe some peak slightly larger than Tubbs Hill).

• Gather David Hasselhoff, Lindsay Lohan, Andy Dick, Brittany Spears, Mel Gibson and other such trainwrecks together and smack 'em all upside the head.

• Finally, I must do something to help mankind. I'm open to suggestions, but it must be void of politics, religion and fanaticism. I think that only leaves growing an enormous garden to feed the hungry.

As someone who grew up on a farm, I suppose I could be real satisfied raising beets and carrots to fill some bellies.

On second thought, who in that weird world of Hollywood would notice you riding an antelope?

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via e-mail at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.