Red Cross Flat Parents program helps families of soldiers

COEUR d'ALENE - Betty McQuirk looked over the enlarged photo of the smiling soldier and pointed.

"See how his hands are held out?" she said. "That's because he always holds his hands out to his kids and says, 'Give me five,' or 'Give me 10!'"

Now that their dad is being deployed overseas this September, they'll have to high-five his photo.

Better, McQuirk said, than nothing.

Much better.

"For children, out of sight is out of mind," the Red Cross volunteer said. "And out of sight isn't necessarily real. When they can't see that person, they can't keep the image in their heads."

The American Red Cross can help with that.

The nonprofit's North Idaho District is helping children of soldiers adjust to their parents' absence with the new Flat Parents program.

Volunteers have invested many hours this week at the Red Cross Coeur d'Alene office to create Flat Parents, or life-size foam cutouts of local soldiers being deployed next month.

Pasted with enlarged photos of soldiers from the waist-up, the foam dolls provide a life-size stand-in while parents are abroad, said Peggy Cedros, district manager for Red Cross.

"It makes a big difference," Cedros said. "The children can take them to bed, take them to school, sit them at the dinner table. It helps them stay connected with their mom or dad."

The National Guard has collected photos of most being deployed, and the Red Cross makes posters with the images as families request them.

"We'll keep making them as long as the war continues," Cedros said.

In their photographs, some soldiers try to leave impressions of themselves, like one mother of three who held a purple sign reading, "I love you!"

McQuirk, also a family therapist, said having a deployed parent creates great stress for children.

"Their life literally depends on having both mom and dad there, and having one parent go away, it's really terrifying," she said. "They hear in the media in and school and from other kids that troops are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan."

She added that children, and spouses, too, will forget an individual's face after not seeing them for months.

"These (photos) help parents stay in their minds, and hopefully bury their anxiety and sense of loss," she said.

Funded strictly by donations, the project is picking up demand, Cedros said.

About 25 Flat Parents have been made so far, and the Red Cross office still needs $200 more in donations to fill remaining orders.

"Even parents (of soldiers) have stepped and requested them," McQuirk said.

Cedros said she wishes her grandsons had a Flat Parent around when her son-in-law was deployed to Iraq five years ago, his children only 5 and 3 at the time.

"They're still affected by it," she said. "The oldest is now 10, and when daddy gets ready to go on detail, he gets anxious and really upset."

Cassandra Vig, family assistance center specialist with the Idaho National Guard, said she expects more orders to come in after soldiers leave next month.

"The response by families so far has been so grateful," Vig said. "The National Guard soldiers, they usually don't go away for more than two or three weeks at a time. Kids are not used to having them gone for so long."

Red Cross volunteer Stan Huffaker cut a foam outline with steady hands on Tuesday at the Red Cross office.

The 73-year-old remembers how his friends were separated from their families during service in Vietnam, he said.

He hopes the posters he makes will help prevent that this time.

"Some of them, their families didn't stay, and they became single," he remembered. "I think this cutout will help to remember who dad is, and will be incentive to keep families together."

The Flat Parents cost about $15 to make, Cedros said. Donations for the Flat Parents program can be mailed to 411 W. Haycraft Ave. Suite D2, Coeur d'Alene, ID 82815.

The Red Cross is willing to replace any Flat Parents that wear out, McQuirk said.

"If one has been loved to death, like the Velveteen Rabbit, we can get another one," she said. "The Red Cross is more resilient than the paper photographs."