PFLAG: My kid just came out, now what?

Maybe your child just told you they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer.

Now what?

For some parents, the answer is easy: “I love you.” For others, that love may be accompanied by confusion, fear, grief, religious questions, or simply the realization that you don’t know what to say next.

That’s OK. You don’t have to understand everything today.

What your child needs most in this moment isn’t a parent who knows all the right terminology or has all the answers. They need to know that the person they trusted enough to tell still loves them, is willing to listen, and isn’t going anywhere.

Give yourself permission to learn. Ask questions — but recognize that your child doesn’t have to be your only teacher. Read. Talk with other parents. Seek reliable information. If faith is important to your family, know that many people of faith have wrestled deeply with these same questions and found ways to fully embrace their LGBTQ+ loved ones.

Most importantly, keep talking to your child.

Coming out doesn’t change who your child is. This is still the same kid whose laugh you know, whose quirks drive you crazy, and whose future you’ve worried about since the day they were born. What has changed is that they’ve trusted you with something important about themselves.

And you don’t have to navigate it alone.

PFLAG Coeur d’Alene/Kootenai County offers families a place to ask questions, learn, and meet others who have walked this road before.

Your child just came out.

Your next step can simply be: “I love you. We’ll figure this out together.”

JEFF WICKHAM

Coeur d’Alene