This Christmas, let’s help parents reclaim the joy of giving

Last month, we challenged a familiar Christmas tradition: giving gifts to children in ways that leave their parents on the sidelines. We asked you to consider generosity that strengthens families by restoring parents’ choice, participation and pride in providing. This month, meet three local organizations putting that idea into practice by bringing the joy of giving back to parents.

Garden Church: Letting parents shop and choose 

Garden Church, formerly Anthem CDA, is preparing for its fifth Christmas Market, Coeur d’Christmas. We asked what the church has learned. 

Why change the way you give? 

The previous model had become unmanageable. Requests sometimes included things like a new truck from people the church had never met. Without relationships, organizers struggled to understand actual needs and questioned whether asking church members to give to unfamiliar situations was good stewardship. 

The conversation with leadership centered on two questions: Were they meeting real needs? And did their approach honor their neighbors’ dignity? Once leaders understood how a market could accomplish both, they supported the change. 

How does the market work? 

Parents spend their own money, purchasing gifts at 80% below retail. They may spend up to $20 or choose up to three gifts per child, whichever comes first. That means $20 can buy $100 in gifts — but the parent chooses the gifts and makes the purchase. 

Shopping assistants help track spending per child, so parents can find something their children will love. Parents can then wrap their gifts alongside volunteers. 

“We do not wrap for them, but we wrap with them.”

Often conversations during wrapping reveal other needs, opening the door to needed resources, prayer and relationships beyond Christmas. Coeur d’Christmas serves children through age 18, with some exceptions for older children with disabilities living at home. 

Was the change easy? 

Not entirely. Some parents initially arrived without money or didn't understand the new approach, which led to frustration. By the second year, the transition was going well. Parents who shop appreciate being able to choose something their children want rather than worrying about what they might receive. 

The change is reaching the congregation, too. Members can help shoppers, refill shelves and decorate and wrap alongside parents. Families, groups and individuals can serve in ways beyond donating gifts. New and fresh conversations are helping the church rethink what it means to give in ways that honor recipients. 

What makes it meaningful? 

One organizer was a mother who had previously received gifts for her children. She remembered feeling grateful and embarrassed. Being able to shop for what her children wanted would have made all the difference. 

Now she sees that joy in other parents when they find the very gift their child asked for. Church members are also discovering how much more meaningful it is to get to know families, recognize their strengths and come alongside them. 

Center for New Directions: Letting parents participate 

During her first year at Center for New Directions, Louisa Rogers watched families receive donated, wrapped gifts. What initially seemed wonderful revealed something more complicated: Parents were appreciative, but some felt ashamed that they did not even know what was beneath their own Christmas tree. 

That realization helped inspire CND’s Christmas Boutique. 

Donors provide items, and parents are asked to contribute new or gently used things their children no longer want. A college classroom becomes a welcoming Christmas Boutique, complete with decorations, music and cookies. 

Parents choose gifts they know their children will enjoy. They also help make the boutique possible. 

Christ the King Lutheran Church: Building on what works 

For years, Christ the King Lutheran Church (CTK) has supported families at a local school through an adopt-a-family Christmas program. 

This year, CTK will work with the school to refer families to Coeur d’Christmas. CTK members will still purchase and donate gifts, using the Amazon wish list Garden Church provides to stock shelves for these additional families. 

Previously, parents received prewrapped gifts from strangers. Now they will choose gifts their children will love, purchase them at deeply reduced prices, and wrap them themselves. 

Two churches are working together to help parents experience the joy of giving to their own children. 

What can we learn? 

Changing how we give can change what our generosity accomplishes. Donors still donate. Children still receive gifts. But in these models, parents can choose, contribute and feel the pride of giving. Relationships grow, too. 

This is generosity rooted in compassion, not pity. It means recognizing people’s abilities and creating opportunities for them to participate. Change isn’t easy, but giving parents the gift of being the givers is worth it. 

As you plan your holiday giving, consider supporting one of these efforts or helping your church or organization create its own Christmas Market. Learn more about Coeur d’Christmas here: https://bit.ly/4iyachE. 

We’d love to hear from you, whether you agree or disagree with this monthly column, have questions, or feel inspired but aren’t sure where to start. These conversations matter and we welcome them. 

Email [email protected] or call or text 208-274-3637. 

The magic of Christmas grows when everyone gets to experience the joy of giving.