OPINION: Learning to disagree better

“The fastest way to control people isn’t to convince them you’re right. It’s to convince them the other side is evil.” I don’t know who to attribute that quote to, but it gave me pause.

Having worked in and around politics for decades, I’ve seen my share of hardball tactics and less-than-honest arguments. But what feels different today is how quickly disagreement turns into something deeper and more destructive.

It’s no longer just about being right, but making sure the other side is seen as wrong in the worst possible way.

In Idaho, this doesn’t play out primarily as Republicans versus Democrats. In a state where Republicans dominate, the tension has shifted inward. It’s Republican versus Republican. People who agree on most issues drawing hard lines over the rest and treating each other like enemies because of it.

We’ve all heard it. Labels thrown around like weapons: RINO, extremist, sellout. The goal isn’t making the case. It’s dismissal and that’s a problem.

Because when we stop trying to understand each other, we stop being effective. And when we assume bad intent instead of asking questions, we guarantee the divide gets wider.

What if, instead of leading with accusation, we led with curiosity?

“I see things differently — how did you come to that conclusion?”

That simple shift doesn’t mean you abandon your principles or stop advocating for what you believe. It means respecting the process of getting there. Most people didn’t arrive at their views out of malice, but from experience, information, and priorities that may differ from your own.

Disagreement is not the problem. It’s necessary. It sharpens ideas and reveals blind spots we might otherwise miss. None of us gets everything we want — and we shouldn’t. Give and take is what keeps a society healthy. It’s how better outcomes are shaped and sustained.

But contempt is different. Contempt shuts the door before the conversation even begins. And once that door is closed, it’s hard to reopen.

The irony is the more we lean into this us-versus-them mindset, the more we weaken the very communities and causes we say we’re trying to protect. It’s like a campfire where instead of tending it, we keep feeding it until it burns so hot that people step back — or walk away. We lose good people who don’t want to wade into the hostility. It discourages participation. In the end, nobody really wins.

I’m convinced we can do better. It starts small. In conversations at events. On social media. In how we talk about people who aren’t in the room. We can choose words that invite discussion instead of ending it while keeping in mind that disagreement doesn’t equal disloyalty.

But it requires humility and willingness to admit we might not have all the answers. And maybe, just maybe, someone else has a perspective worth hearing. It doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind. But it might change how you see each other. And that matters.

The strength of a community isn’t measured by how often everyone agrees. It’s measured by how well people handle it when they don’t.

If we want a healthier political environment that moves ideas forward instead of just scoring points, we need to relearn the skill civil engagement.

We can disagree better. Stand firm when it matters. And do so with respect and dignity.

It’s the Idaho Way. 

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Becky Funk is a member of North Idaho Republicans and former Legislative District 4 Republican Chair. Join North Idaho Republicans as we celebrate America 250–Keep the Republic on April 9th with special guests including Gov. Brad Little. For tickets and information visit: https://northidahorepublicans.com