Millennial moms are just a different breed of parent

Next month, my oldest son leaves for college.

I’m not sure where I lost so much time; 17 years really isn’t as long as you might think when it comes down to raising kids. It’s like they say, it’ll be over before you know it. It's true.

I was only 18 years old and a senior in high school when I became a mom. I had college plans, committed to a university on a full-ride scholarship to play golf, become an in-depth investigative journalist, travel the world and live an exciting gypsy lifestyle. And I did some of that, with an infant in a front pack to boot.

I was fortunate. I had the most amazing support system through my parents, my siblings and even my professors when it came to continuing my education, working part-time and raising my little toe-headed spawn just as I had planned (for the most part) going into my senior year of high school. I know that isn’t the case for most single teenage moms, and I’m grateful for the support I received. Without it, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t currently be shopping for my son’s dorm room, which he will be living in starting next month.

Now, as a full-fledged millennial parent, I can’t help but laugh at how much parenting has changed—not just since my own childhood, but since my oldest was born.

I’ve made mistakes as a parent. That’s a given for any parent, not just a teenage one. But there’s something to say about my generation, millennials, and the parenting style many of us have adopted (and adapted to) as we raise our kids.

We’ve taken a lot of how we were raised and implemented it here and there, tweaking it just enough to give our kids more leniency than our parents gave, just like when we’d say, ‘When I have kids, I’ll never spank them,’ or ground them, or make them do chores, or yell at them, and so on.

We have also adopted a lot of ‘winging it’ in our parenting.

The truth is, I’ve grown up right alongside my kids. My oldest is seven years older than his closest sibling, too, so it was just him and me against the world for a long time.

I made the mistake (I am certain about this one) of treating him like my bud, my sidekick, and my equal early on, not like my child that sometimes needed a parent to, well, parent him. It’s come back to bite me through his teenage years, though, mostly in his belief that we are, in fact, equals.

I find myself having to remind him who the parent is in this relationship as well as explaining to him that just because he has held down the same part time job throughout three summers and two school years, and at one point was making more money than me, that it didn’t make him an expert financial advisor and didn't need to worry about whether or not I should be buying dominos for dinner for the second time this pay period instead of cooking something at home.

Working full-time and managing a household that consists of three teenagers, a husband, two dogs and a cat is a lot of work. Being expected to make homemade meals seven nights a week on top of everything else is parental abuse, I’m positive. That’s just another example of how millennial parents are unlike other generations. We have had it instilled in us at a young age that, in order to be successful in life, we needed a college education in a specific career field, experience in that field, and the initiative to get hired in that field in a top position. We were also told that we can be breadwinners and still be full-time mothers. Damned if we didn't try, too!

 We were taught to respect our superiors, elders and even each other, something social media has really allowed Gen Z and Gen Alpha to put aside for the most part.

When I became a mom, Facebook was still very new. I still actively used its predecessor, Myspace and could still remember my password to ITS precursor, Antishift. Smartphones were dumb and weren’t glued to everyone’s hands. TikTok wasn’t even a word. AI sounded like science fiction.

Fast-forward 18 years, and somehow, I’m raising kids in a world where my youngest can troubleshoot technology faster than I can, teachers communicate through five different apps, and I’m expected to know what “rizz” and “no cap” and “6-7" means without consulting Urban Dictionary and I am left in utter confusion when one of my kids tells me I’m ‘crashing out' or ‘low-key sus.’

I refuse. What happened to the days of Daria, Total Request Live and Celebrity Death Match to keep the youth entertained? Now it is content scrolling of brain rot and reels of some person just making noises for the sake of making noise.

Millennials occupy this strange little bridge between two worlds, it seems.

We remember rewinding VHS tapes, burning CDs, printing MapQuest directions, asking Jeeves for his wealth of knowledge and hearing, “be home when the streetlights come on.”

Our parents had one way to reach us: yelling our full names from the front porch.

Our kids think Wi-Fi is a constitutional right.

If the internet buffers for more than 10 seconds, they react like they’re competing in a reboot of ‘Survivor.’

I sometimes yearn for the days when ‘unplugging’ meant making sure you didn’t leave any appliances plugged into an outlet before going outside to play for an entire day. I basically have to unplug my router and force my kids out of the house, which isn’t quite as satisfying as when they take it upon themselves to put the screens down and exercise their bodies and their brains.

I will boast, however, about a major parenting win for my household, which has resulted in a zero-tolerance policy regarding electronics of any sort on Sundays. One full day each week with zero screens, zero TV, and 100% family time and peace for all household members. 

My kids think it’s abuse and some slow form of torture, but I try to remind them that it’s good for them, that they’ll thank me one day and that it’s not so bad to find some activity that doesn’t involve devices and Internet and posting, posting and more posting for a change. If anything, it’s shown me just how big a problem social media and screen time are for younger generations. Just removing one full day per week from technology has them panicked, anxiety ridden, bored, unsure what to do with their hands. 

It makes a person take a hard look at society, being raised by screens and influencers. Reminds me of a couple of documentaries I saw years ago, The Terminator and Idiocracy. If screens are necessary for the Gen Z and Alpha lot, perhaps they should at least fix their eyes on some quality educational material, such as those 100% true-story films.

We millennials are trying, and we aren't completely screwing it up. We have shown our minions that it's okay to talk about how they feel, and that it's okay to fail as long as they don't quit. We brought ADHD and mental health to the frontlines, and don't get me going on the pop culture. 

Basically, we’re just doing what every generation before us has done, though, figuring it out one day at a time.

The only difference is we’re doing it while remembering 17 passwords, surviving Spirit Week, translating Gen Alpha slang, and wondering when exactly we became the adults.

I’m still not entirely convinced I have.

But if the 18-year-old me, trying to graduate high school, go to college and try to be a decent person myself while raising a baby to become one as well, could see where we are today, I think she’d breathe a little easier.

And she’d probably remind me to enjoy these moments before my younger two are suddenly packing for college, too.