The Exhausted Dad: Cherishing/enduring the home stretch of parenting
Help! My oldest child might move out … in three-and-a-half years.
I can’t help but ponder my place in the universe when I start to think about my daughter finishing high school. Sure, she’s just a freshman now, but this school year seems to be blasting away faster than others. Her social schedule far exceeds mine (easy to do), and it won’t be long before she’ll have a learner’s permit to drive heavy machinery (a motor vehicle is a metallic death trap on wheels!).
I like to think I take every opportunity to spend time with her, especially since her teenage brain now seems to require her to use her weekends for sleeping and more sleeping.
I can say this honestly: She’s the most delightful and fun kid to be around. Except when she isn’t. I essentially live with two versions of my daughter: The first is smart, articulate, weird and hilarious. The second is HULK SMASH ANGRY and hates anyone who stands in opposition of whatever seemingly minor thing that’s bothering her in the moment.
These versions exist all at the same time and can reveal themselves instantaneously, even in the span of a single sentence. I can have a totally normal, pleasant conversation that turns suddenly into an epic meltdown.
I can spend an hour listening and responding to every detail of her recap of the day, but if I don’t thread the needle just right, the conversation still might conclude with a, “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!”
One of the more common traps I set for myself is when I think I’ve negotiated with her to finish her homework, do a chore around the house etc. in exchange for me not harassing her about finishing the homework or doing the chore. It often starts amicably… even pleasantly.
Me: “Hey, the washing machine is open. Your room will be so much cleaner and more enjoyable if you pick up the dirty clothes and start a load.”
My teenager: “Oh I definitely need to pick up my dirty clothes and start a load of laundry. I’m going to do it right after I finish my Duolingo.”
Cut to two hours later.
Me: “Hey, were you going to start your laundry? Your sister wanted to start a load.”
My teenager: “STOP HARASSING ME! IT’S MY ROOM! IF I WANT TO LEAVE MY CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR IT’S MY RIGHT!”
Her sister enters the room and says, “If you’re not going to use the washing machine, I’m going to.”
My teenager: “IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! I SAID I’M USING THE WASHING MACHINE!”
A few minutes later she’ll leave her room, start a load of laundry (while still leaving approximately 900 dirty items on her floor), then come find me to tell me about some random meme her friend texted her.
Me (pretending to understand the meme): "That’s funny. Hey, sweetie, did you want to address your explosion earlier?”
My teenager: “Oh, sorry about that. I was crashing out for no reason. My bad."
Me: "It’s OK but maybe go apologize to your sister too.”
My Teenager: "I’m NOT APOLOGIZING TO HER! WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?"
And the law says she’s mere months away from being allowed to drive a car …
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Tyler Wilson is an attorney, a freelance writer and parent to four children, ages 8-14. He is tired. He can be reached at [email protected].
The Exhausted Dad