THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Even the good teams have days like the M's on Wednesday

It was a pretty good day to be awful.

Assuming there is such a thing.

If you’re going to go out and play the worst baseball game imaginable, blundering through a fiasco that made Abner Doubleday look away in his grave …

Do it when you have some breathing room.

Make sure there’s a gang of fireman on the street, holding a huge net to keep you from going splat.

Look, there’s no hiding from the fact that the Mariners’ 9-6 loss to the White Sox on Wednesday was the club’s worst overall performance since, well, maybe since they were the here-today, gone-tomorrow Pilots.

Only a masochist would go back and check.

I mean, if you’d just come home from a scientific mission to Antarctica and that was your first afternoon at T-Mobile Park in a couple of years, you absolutely would NOT believe that the Mariners are sailing toward the playoffs.

This one was not only bad, it was bizarre.

Seattle gave new ace Luis Castillo a 4-0 lead, and that looked like it might as well be 40-0 when Castillo struck out the first seven batters he faced.

THIS ONE appeared, for all the world, as though it were on cruise control.

Ah, but baseball can jump up and bite you on the butt.

In this case, the descent to dismal started with Eugenio Suarez booting a routine ground ball to third.

See, this disaster offered some irony, too, since Suarez has been terrific all year at third — and he hit two booming homers in Wednesday’s loss.

In fact, Suarez’ second homer tied the game 6-all after Castillo had been chased by a bunt, a ground ball that started off foul and (maybe) hopped over the very corner of the third base bag en route to left field, and another grounder against the shift on a pitch that almost hit Jose Abreu on the knuckles.

Somewhere in the middle of all this hilarity, second baseman Abraham Toro chose not to pursue a routine pop-up — instead watching Julio Rodriguez fail to reach it after racing almost from Yakima.

Finally, the perhaps flustered Castillo gave up a couple of solid hits and was forced to depart with Chicago up 6-4.

The Mariners, who still have trouble hitting with men on base (they were 1-for-8 with runners in scoring position), squandered a chance to roar back into the lead with the bases loaded and one out in the sixth.

Then, after Suarez tied things an inning later, the defense betrayed yet another Castillo — with Diego coming out of the pen just in time for backup catcher Curt Casali to sling the ball into center field on a steal attempt, basically giving the Sox the lead for good.

Reliever Chris Flexen threw a ball miles past first base for yet another error (and two more runs) in the ninth, but by then it didn’t matter.

The Mariners were toast.

NO ONE saw reason to panic, however, despite coughing up six unearned runs.

“The sky is not falling,” manager Scott Servais announced.

Certainly, the Mariners shouldn’t really worry about run prevention — they’d gone nine straight games without giving up more than three.

They entered the day ranked seventh in MLB in defensive runs saved (40) and fifth in ERA (3.46).

Despite Wednesday’s circus, they’ve still committed less errors than any team in either league.

As it happens, I agree with Servais about the sky staying put — but for a different reason than the one he was addressing.

Seattle remains five games ahead of Baltimore for the third and final wild-card spot (with a half-game lead on Toronto for the second position).

Even with sizzling Atlanta coming to town this weekend, I think the Mariners have the pitching — solid from top to bottom — and a soft enough schedule to make that five-game lead on the Orioles hold up.

And hey, we’d shouldn’t be shedding any tears if the playoff drought is broken by slipping into that third wild-card spot.

Getting the No. 6 seed would mean drawing the Central Division winner in the first round (probably Cleveland, whom the M’s have beaten five of six this season), then the Yankees in the semifinals.

If Seattle plays well enough to earn the fourth or fifth seed, it would be Tampa Bay or Toronto — both of whom are much tougher than any Central winner — in the first round, with Houston waiting for the survivor.

I’m up for making the playoffs, yessir, but also for avoiding the Astros as long as possible.

The only team worth watching in the standings right now is Baltimore, and that five-game lead looks sweet.

Yep.

All’s well, despite Wednesday looking more like a Sunday — as in, your average coed beer league tiff.

Sorry.

Apologies to all you beer leaguers.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press three times each week. He also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published weekly during the season, beginning in October.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”