Wednesday, November 29, 2023

EDITORIAL: Tomorrow, let's all groan together

| November 23, 2022 1:00 AM

(With apologies to Press Punmistress Devin Weeks)

Tomorrow is the day to count our blessings.

Actually, folks, every day is the day to count our blessings. Tomorrow’s just the one day where most people have time to do lots of counting because they don’t have to go to work.

Typically in this space the day before Thanksgiving, solemnity and seriousness are the entrees. But this year we’re cooking a different kind of editorial, seeing as how solemnity and seriousness aren’t in anything near short supply in this great nation of ours.

The answer, of course, is a pre-feast pun-fest; you know, the kind of dad jokes guaranteed to elicit a smile here, a chuckle there and a gaggle of ghastly groans in between.

We highly recommend that everyone around your Thanksgiving table is required to tell one of these jokes — or preferably, one even worse — before they can load their plate.

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

What did the turkey say to the computer?

Google, google, google!

What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?

Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

What smells the best at Thanksgiving dinner?

Your nose.

Why can’t you take a turkey to church?

They use fowl language.

Stop, drop and…

…pass the rolls!

When do you serve tofu turkey?

On Pranksgiving.

What role do green beans play in the Thanksgiving meal?

The casse-role.

Knock knock. Who's there? Tamara.

Tamara who? Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes …

…but I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Arthur.

Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?

Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?

Because they wear their buckles on their hats.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?

Quack, quack!

A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying "That smells good" to be helping. — Jimmy Fallon

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