Time to date your mates
Moving is one of those times in life when the brain becomes pretty much useless (is that an oxymoron?) Overflowing with “how will I get it all done?” anxiety and a miles-long list that keeps multiplying like the loaves and fishes, my IQ is down to about seven. As in days left to THE BIG ONE.
That’s when a distracted columnist heads for the cop-outs. Like an awareness month calendar.
Did you know it’s Date Your Mate Month?
Seriously, folks; this one bears a look-see, and not just for those in a relationship. You might call it date your friend month, or date your brother week.
No, that’s not creepy. Keep reading.
At the onset of important relationships in our lives, and sometimes on special occasions or big life moments, we have these wonderful deep discussions. Connecting mono á mono and meeting soul to soul. Like when you’re dating.
Somehow as time passes we get away from that fun mutual discovery and deep intellectual explorations and become mired in, at most, a perfunctory “How was your day? The trash needs to be taken out.”
Whether it’s the honeymoon phase of a romance, close friendships or family, revisiting that level of attention and interest is the best way to keep important relationships going strong. It just takes a little intention.
Beginning with focus: I’m going to redirect my brain cells, focus them on you.
Eye contact. Eye contact is crucial, during the entire conversation.
PUT. THE PHONE. DOWN. (Better yet, turn it off.)
Ask questions. It can be trips down memory lane: “Do you ever think about …” Or get-to-know-you explorations (we never know everything about each other, even after decades pass): “What did you like to play when you were 7? Who do you think influenced your choice of career the most? Your vision of the world? Your approach to aging?”
Love notes are easy, quick and always effective. A simple “I love you” works. “I appreciate that you …” or “I admire (this) about you so much” or “Thank you for …” (small or big thing, or better yet both) can shift the feel of a relationship with amazing speed.
The best example of Date Your Mate I’ve heard is about Beth and Bryan, young sweethearts, married forever, now retired. Years ago, they went through a rough patch, but realized they didn’t want to part. So they started dating again.
Blind dating.
Picture it: Small town Illinois. Beth gets dolled up and heads for a local tavern. Bry walks in, sidles up to her at the bar. “Is this stool taken?” “No, help yourself,” she replies coyly. “May I buy you a drink?” “Well, OK.” He sports a winning smile. “What’s your name? Do you come here often?” “Julie, and no it’s my first time …”
From there they asked get-to-know-you questions, made up new identities, swapped real and fake stories, laughed and ate and drank until they went home together and, er, kept it going. They did this again and again, and they said it saved their marriage.
They’re still laughing. They still “date” sometimes and leave love notes and enjoy each other’s company every day.
So let’s take a page from Beth and Bry’s book and date our life mates, whoever they are and whatever roles they play in our lives. Taking one another for granted — that’s no way to live life happy.
Not too bad for a cop-out column, I hope.
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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who’s made too many excuses not to date her mate recently. He deserves better. Email [email protected].