THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: Anxiously waiting for M's Dipoto to 'transact'

What now?

Mariners vice-president of winning games Jerry Dipoto said: “I woke up Friday morning ready to transact.”

Never mind his butchering of the English language, or my butchering of Jerry’s title — although you could argue that the VP of baseball operations is REALLY in charge of winning games.

There is no title for “Vice-President of Carrying the Longest Playoff Drought in North American Sports.”

Now that MLB owners and players have fought hammer and tongs for 99 days, the 90-win Mariners are hoping to spend money, make trades, and snag talent from here to Mongolia — whatever it takes to barge into the playoffs for the first time since 2001.

One thing all those negotiations did to help the M’s was the addition of another team from each league to postseason wild-card pool.

No, sorry.

I suspect you’re thinking that would have done it last year.

Nah.

Toronto, which also got left at home, would have pipped the Mariners for that extra spot, having won 91 games to Seattle’s 90.

Probably just as well, as that would have been even MORE frustrating after such an exciting season in the Northwest.

IT IS Saturday evening as I type this, and most of us “knights of the keyboard” (an insult often directed at sports writers by Ted Williams) are anticipating a madhouse of signings and trades to hit baseball like an avalanche over the next few days.

Or few hours, maybe.

But so far, Dipoto (despite what must be a bank of jangling cellphones) has not been able to “transact.”

C’mon, Jerry, there are thousands of fans waiting on you.

Meanwhile …

More than 300 players with major league experience — including some legitimate stars — are hoping to find jobs.

And all 30 teams need help (except perhaps the Dodgers, who have been rumored as a destination for Freddie Freeman AND Nelson Cruz).

So, let’s ignore the Dodgers, unless they grab someone that might have been bound for Seattle.

In this part of the world, we’re far more interested in Dipoto’s “transactability.”

(This column may break a record for mangling the language AND botching official titles.)

We’re well into the night now, and there haven’t been any truly big deals anywhere — unless you count the A’s trading pitcher Chris Bassitt to the Mets for some prospects.

That does mean, though, that Oakland seems headed for the fire sale most people expected.

Thus, third baseman Matt Chapman, who seriously piques Dipoto’s interest, apparently is on the block.

Ditto pitcher Frankie Montas.

SEATTLE would rather acquire talent via free agency than through trades, however, for what should be obvious reasons.

For instance …

A player who could be a huge help to the Mariners, Pittsburgh center fielder Bryan Reynolds (a switch-hitter with a career .300 average and serious power), makes you drool a bit — until it becomes clear the Pirates want prospects from the very top of the Mariners’ loaded farm system.

Dipoto might consider moving a couple of his thriving minor leaguers, just maybe, but outfielder Julio Rodriguez, right-hander George Kirby and young shortstop Noelvi Marte are conversation starters that begin: “Sorry, we’ve lost our phone connection.”

It would be painful to part with any other of his highly rated kids (say, lefty starter Brandon Williamson or right-hander Matt Brash), which is why Jerry will do everything possible to fill his needs with free agents.

That group, by the way, includes Japanese all-star Seiyo Suzuki, who is free to choose his MLB destination — but he will be very, very expensive.

IT’S NO secret what type of players are on the Mariners’ shopping list.

“We want to add some impact to our offense,” Dipoto said during a media call.

“Minimally, we want to go get one impact bat, whether that’s a free agent or trade remains to be seen. And if we can manage to swing both, we’d like to get two and they’re likely to play on the left side of the field.

“Some combination of third base, left field, designated hitter is what we’re looking for.”

If that sounds like a description of Kris Bryant, well, yeah — everyone else has spotted that, too.

Bryant, like many options that would help ignite the Mariners offense, would be expensive.

At this moment, though (with Jerry still silent), Seattle has $70 million committed to payroll, and therefore plenty of room to spend.

So, now, with apologies to Phil Knight and his swoosh …

Just do it.

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Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published weekly during the season.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”