The lowdown on coffee and health

Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.

What do you call the office pot of coffee? Break fluid.

Kidding aside, March is Caffeine Awareness Month. So if (a) you’re a cappuccino addict, (b) the word “study” draws you like a bee to honey, and (c) mixing the two leaves you as foggy as this brain before its morning cuppa, read on.

Full disclosure: I did not read the scores of studies on coffee pros and cons. If you have the time, go for it. But if world-renowned Mayo Clinic and reasonably reliant Healthline reports are good enough for you, here’s the lowdown:

Daily cuppa, good. Quad mochas, uh-uh.

The “caffeine is bad” side of the equation isn’t news. Drink too much and beyond the sleeplessness, anxiety and irritability, your ticker won’t be thanking you. But research also points to some health benefits, in moderation.

(Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged.)

What’s caffeine?

This natural stimulant in the leaves of tea, coffee and cacao plants stimulates the brain and central nervous system. Man has been steeping tea leaves since 2737 B.C.E., and — thanks to an Ethiopian shepherd’s unusually lively flock — imbibing coffee since the ninth century.

Around 90% of American adults drink caffeine in some form daily, according to research published in the April 2010 Journal of Food Science.

How it works

Caffeine is absorbed in the bloodstream and liver within minutes. In the brain, it works on neurotransmitters, blocking the effects of relaxation-inducing adenosine while increasing adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine activity. Technically, that makes it psychoactive. Hence, the buzz.

(How is espresso like divorce? It’s expensive and bitter.)

How much?

Source matters. Comparing average caffeine per 8-ounce serving (note, this includes so-called “decaf”):

• Brewed coffee: 102–200 mg
• Yerba mate: 65–130 mg
• Energy drinks: 50–160 mg
• Brewed tea: 40–120 mg
• Soft drinks: 20–40 mg
• Decaffeinated coffee: 3–12 mg
• Cocoa: 2–7 mg
• Chocolate milk: 2–7 mg

One ounce of milk chocolate has 1–15 mg; an ounce of dark, 5–35 mg.

Brain and mood booster?

The same 2010 JFS research review noted after 37.5–450 mg of caffeine, participants showed improved alertness, short-term recall and reaction time. Other studies linked one to two cups of coffee daily to slightly lower risks of suicide and depression (I wonder about these, given 90% of adults drink that much and those remain big problems).

Drinking three or more cups of coffee or tea daily may reduce Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s risk by 28% or more, according to four studies published 2007-2014.

If limited.

When it comes to mood, more isn’t necessarily better. The JFS review noted two cups drunk at one sitting was no more beneficial than one, unless consumed at least eight hours later.

(What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.)

Engine revving

The same stimulation that can be bad for the heart also increases metabolism by up to 11% and fat burning, up to 13%. That’s not huge; we’re talking maybe 80 calories a day difference. Plus, the stimulant can help people exercise a little longer.

The five studies concluding this, like the others mentioned here, are all peer reviewed and listed in the National Library of Medicine.

Does it help or hurt disease risk?

Now it gets really confusing. Doctors tell cardiac patients to avoid caffeine, which makes perfect sense. But in terms of prevention, some research suggests one to four cups of coffee daily may lower the risk of developing heart disease by 16–18% (not trumping family history, however). Make it green tea (also caffeinated, with more health benefits) and you might get a 14–20% lower risk of stroke.

Another research review associated daily joe with a potential 29% lower risk of Type 2 diabetes. Interestingly, decaf coffee was correlated with a 21% lower diabetes risk, suggesting it’s the other beneficial compounds in coffee that help, rather than caffeine.

Not that this means you could load up on sugar without penalty. And watch the blood pressure, because caffeine tends to raise it.

(What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? “What’s Sumatra with you?”)

Mind the side effects.

Some caffeine consumption is generally considered safe, albeit habit-forming. Well documented side effects include anxiety, restlessness, tremors, irregular heartbeat, poor sleep quality, more headaches (yes, sometimes a little caffeine can help one, too) and high blood pressure.

Pregnant women are advised to consume less. Caffeine easily crosses the placenta, increasing risk of miscarriage or low birth weight. Caffeine also interacts with some medications, so best ask a pharmacist.

(What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.)

How much is too much?

According to Mayo Clinic, up to 400 mg of caffeine a day seems safe for most healthy adults. That's roughly three to four cups of coffee, or two energy drinks, but keep in mind content varies by brand and preparation. Pregnant women and teens should have less, and kids should skip it (minus the odd chocolate, naturally).

It’s also dangerous to take the daily dose all at once, like in those energy shot products. Caffeine toxicity can result in major heart events and other problems.

(What do you call a 10-cent espresso? A cheap shot.)

Cut back gradually.

Some people are more caffeine-sensitive. Cutting back works best if done slowly (shorter brew times help reduce concentration) and going decaf helps. It usually tastes as good, although there’s still trace caffeine in decaf. Herbal teas are nice and most have no caffeine (be sure to check).

Every morning I see this exhausted woman who could murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone New Network who takes hers with almond milk, thank you. Email sholeh@cdapress.com.