THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: For all the marbles

There’s a monster basketball game tonight, yes?

I’m just asking, because I’m recovering from a “minor” back procedure, one of those things where they give knock-out juice through a massive needle.

My back is now improved — so they say — but there’s still enough anesthesia floating around that my brain and typing fingers might not be entirely synched up.

Actually ...

I’m kidding about knowledge of the game, because my stepson is a University of Kansas grad, and if there is any undamaged furniture left in the house from that long grind of the NCAA tournament, it will be in danger this evening as his beloved Jayhawks face North Carolina for all the marbles.

(Yeah, this is the anesthesia talking, but what’s the whole big thing about marbles, anyway?

Wouldn’t it be funny if some NCAA flunky approached the winning coach on national TV tonight, and said: “Sorry, we couldn’t afford a trophy and banner — we gave a million bucks in trinkets and limo rides to Coach K — but hey, here’s a bag of marbles?

“But we promise…it’s ALL the marbles.)

I’M NOT complaining — seriously, would anyone object to dancing through a day of work, puzzling out everything with a head full of high-quality cotton candy?

Today, however, was going to be a Northwest sports columnist’s challenge, with or without the back surgery.

First, there’s the hoops extravaganza, which has two massive story lines ...

• There is a chance that, at age 25, stepson Matthew will experience the greatest moment of his life (excluding the future birth of his first child, which also would top MY list of moments — except for June 7, 2010, which I’ll leave to your imagination).
• Note: Since Matthew is not married, nor committed to anyone, this birth in our imagination has a very uncertain timeline. But he’s brilliant and good-looking, so I like his chances. I’ve already applied to be his agent, whatever field he chooses to dominate.

• Sorry for this, Duke fans.

I know thousands of Dukies are lovely people (bless you, Nat Pieper), but Mike Krzyzewski — without questioning his remarkable basketball cred — made this “Coach K Farewell and Worshipping Tour” go way, way too far.

He went all-in ego, made the entire sport about himself, and threw some mud on his legacy.

Thus, as a neutral podcaster put it on Sunday: “For college basketball fans outside of Durham, the long national nightmare is finally over.”

Coach K thus lost his first and last games (not to mention his final game at Cameron Indoor Stadium) to rival North Carolina which, for non-Dukies, is a bit hilarious since the Heels are just eight miles down the road.

Enough said, except ...

“Rock chalk, Jayhawk!”

RIGHT, besides all the historic hoopla about the Final Four, there’s plenty more going on.

Tiger Woods is toying with the idea of playing in The Masters, which begins on Thursday.

Surely, all that rehabbing from his car crash can’t get him on to the hills of Augusta this soon — although with Tiger, it’s silly to rule him out.

Ever.

On the other hand…

Baseball WILL burst back into our lives this week, and hey, I’m ready.

The endless and inane negotiating finally wore out, an abbreviated spring training is almost over, and the Mariners open this official “Season of Hope” on Thursday afternoon in Minnesota.

There are questions about whether or not front office boss Jerry Dipoto added enough offense with the trades for second baseman Adam Frazier, third baseman Eugenio Suarez and outfielder Jesse Winker.

All three have made All-Star teams and, on paper, they seem to fit the M’s needs — although none of these veterans may have the impact of rookie Julio Rodriguez.

J-Rod has been leading Seattle in every offensive category in this strange preseason — I know, it’s only spring training, and having covered MLB for decades, I understand that numbers at this stage can lead you to some truly false dawns.

As Reggie Jackson once put it: “Let’s see how the kid does when he gets into those stadiums that have three decks.”

That said, Rodriguez is just about as exciting a youngster as I’ve seen in years.

More about the M’s (and the loss of two key relievers to injury) when we take a long look at the roster, and make some hair-raising predictions, in Wednesday’s Cheap Seats.

THE HOLY gospel of sports in America makes one thing crystal clear.

It is ALWAYS football season.

So, of course ...

We have to check in on the Seahawks as though we’re always planning for autumn.

Normally, the big story over the next few weeks would concern the NFL draft, which runs from April 28-30 — and which deeply affects the Seahawks, who acquired a boatload of picks (including the ninth selection overall) in exchange for handing Russell Wilson a plane ticket to Denver.

So ...

Will the Hawks draft a quarterback, perhaps Liberty’s Malik Willis, to learn his craft during one less-than-spectacular season watching Drew Lock?

In Seattle, however, a bombshell has appeared almost out of nowhere.

Suddenly, the Hawks are faced with a financial decision; specifically, should they negotiate a fat, long-term contract with receiver DK Metcalf, or (huh?) trade their star for even more draft picks.

This question has popped up because Green Bay couldn’t afford to keep Davante Adams, who was shipped to Las Vegas — where he got a deal worth $28 million per year.

Next, Kansas City’s Tyreek Hill decided he wanted to be the highest-paid wide receiver, held the Chiefs hostage, and got traded to Miami (where he’ll make $30 million per season).

Suddenly, the price tag for impact receivers has gone through the roof.

And now, the Seahawks have to make a call on Metcalf.

Sometime before the draft, we’ll take a long look at this situation, and I’ll give you a thought on how things should shake out.

Spoiler: Don’t even think about it, fellas.

Okay, that’s it for a crazy Monday.

Except, by the middle of the week, it’s ...

“Play ball!”

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published monthly during the off season.

Steve suggests you take his opinions in the spirit of a Jimmy Buffett song: “Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On.”