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The stay-at-home dad: Baby tops the chain of command

by TYLER WILSON/Coeur Voice contributor
| September 29, 2021 1:00 AM

My 4-year-old son runs the house.

As the youngest of our four kids, my son takes his “baby of the family” role quite seriously. For one, he’s always performing, and he genuinely believes everything he does is must-see TV.

“Daddy! Daddy, watch this! Watch me, daddy. Watch! Look!”

Then he’ll bend his elbow or raise an eyebrow. He thinks his normal bodily functions should be considered superpowers.

As the baby, my son has been the happy recipient of four years of special attention from his older siblings, all of whom took special pride in taking care of the “cute little boy-boy” (as my 6-year-old daughter refers to him).

Lately, however, the cuteness alone hasn’t delivered the no-strings-attached servitude he came to expect. His parents now ask him to do his part, be it putting away dishes, picking up toys, etc. The older siblings noticed, and they’ve been pushing back a bit on some of his most egregious demands.

But the baby of the family always finds a way to get what he wants. Always.

For example, he really likes it when his 10-year-old sister plays with Paw Patrol toys with him. Lately, she’s been saying no, but it didn’t take long for my son to find a new recruitment strategy.

I witnessed this exchange last weekend:

My son: “Sissy! Do you love me?”

My daughter (laughing): “Aw, that’s so cute, of course I love you!”

My son: “Well, if you love me, then you have to play Paw Patrol with me.”

Diabolical. She played Paw Patrol with him, of course.

The kid manipulates everyone. Most nights, I read to the boys before bedtime (the girls read with mom, or as I’ve noticed recently, watch TikTok videos of animals until I come in and ruin their fun). My oldest son, age 8, usually wants me to read out of a chapter book, but my youngest won’t hear any of it. Even when I tell them they can both pick something for me to read, the youngest vetoes my oldest son with four simple words.

“That book scares me.”

He’ll say this about any book his brother picks, regardless of the content. If it was a Paw Patrol chapter book, he’d say no just because his brother picked it.

And while my wife and I have managed to convince our baby to (occasionally) pick up after himself, he still expects the siblings to handle 99 percent of tasks for him.

“Sissy! My water is empty!” (He can easily reach the water filter).

“Sissy! I need someone to pick out my clothes! It’s too scary by myself!” (He goes down to his room and plays for hours by himself).

As you can tell, his 10-year-old “Sissy” is the biggest sucker of them all. An easy mark.

A couple nights ago, the kids were all eating dinner at the table. Our youngest spilled a quarter-filled cup of water, creating a small puddle. Not a big deal, and he had a large hand towel resting next to him for just such a minor mess.

Instead of taking two seconds to lift the towel and dab the water, he threw his arms in the air and groaned.

“Arrrrg! Someone needs to clean this up for me!”

Someone did. Because he’s the baby of the family. And maybe a supervillain.

• • •

Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer and stay-at-home dad to four kids, ages 4-10. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.