Light at the end of the tunnel for victims

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month but for those who live in the hell of that reality it’s every month 24/7. There is no minute of any day that you’re not walking on eggshells, holding your breath, vowing to be more of something or less of something in order to keep a blowup from happening. There’s no minute of any day that you’re not drowning in the hopelessness of the situation and expending a Herculean effort to mask what’s going on behind closed doors, questioning and second guessing how you came to find yourself in such a dark place. There’s no minute of any day that you aren’t wondering how to survive for just another minute of one more day.

Often the transformation of your life had been so gradual that before you knew it you were separated by miles and emotional distance from family and friends. Isolated in all the ways that matter from the people who could and would toss a lifeline. Then factor in the embarrassment, and perhaps the love once felt for your abuser and being delusional in believing that things will change on their own and that happily ever after isn’t just a pipe dream.

Statistics on domestic violence fail to tell the whole story. Do you think you could tell at a glance who is living in an abusive relationship? Do you presume that poverty, alcohol and drug abuse are requisites to domestic violence? I find myself about to type the statement, “I’m no expert,” but then realize I AM an expert. I’m also a survivor who bears the scars of a decade-long nightmare of a marriage that I was fortunate to escape.

When I did and came home to rebuild my life the fact that the family who loved me and the friends who cared about me had no clue what I’d been through is not uncommon. In every neighborhood and economic demographic domestic violence exists but is often invisible. In the more than three decades since I came out on the other side with my life I’ve spoken to a number of civic groups about the experience and recorded a video PSA for Safe Passage. Without fail women come up and quietly share that they too had at one point been through the same hell of emotional and physical battering.

Perhaps if more of us could brave the stigma of judgment and embarrassment for having been a victim and embrace our survival, we can as a community bring the reality of domestic abuse out from behind closed doors and encourage those currently living the nightmare to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Life free of fear and filled with hope is worth it.

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In the fall of 1970 the senior class at Coeur d’Alene High School became the first attendees of the new high school on North Fourth Street. The old high school on 15th Street became Lakes Middle School.

On Friday CHS Class of '71 will be honored during the Viking football game as the celebration of 50 years of the “new” school begins. There will be tours of the building at 6 p.m. and the Class of '71 is holding a pre-game tailgate party at Ponderosa Golf Course from 3:30-5:30 p.m.

As a member of the CHS Class of '70 who never attended the new high school, I’m still trying to wrap my head around half a century of anything. Congratulations on the golden anniversary of the “new high school.” Go Vikings!

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Happy Birthday today to our oldest grandson Matt Snider, A’mya Ohlig, John Holley, Gina Myers, Peg Mettalia, Phil Corliss, Tina Crane, Greg Youngman, Jim Rosenlund, Shellie Mundy and Marilyn Griffitts. On the last day of September our youngest daughter Sarah Polk shares the date with Steve Griffitts, Chickie Albright, Debra Raymer, Don Schmitt, Jeff Baltzell, Wilma Mort, Dan Grimmett, Valerie Mesenbrink, Brett Hollenbeck, Ann Siebert and Donna Cooper. Oct. 1 birthdays belong to Casey Irgens, Jill Gardner and Kathi Southland. On Saturday Wendy Medlock, Jack Sjostrom, Dana Kinsey, Rebecca Armstrong, Millie Eylar, Linda Harris, Renee` Mullan, Karla Derton and David Tabakman are celebrating another trip around the sun. Andy Stidham, Dave Bobbitt, Dave Priano, Madison Morrow, Darcy Johnson, Shylo Deubner, Meilee Anderson and Jeff McLean mark their birthdays on Oct. 3. Monday celebrants are Mary Wolfinger, Jada Olson, Michael Hillman, Barbara Lovett, Teri Grubbs, Valerie Queen, Ami Manning, John Beebe, Mike Bryan, Tommy Lynn and Nicole Sobelman and on Tuesday Jan Lindquist, Pat Riley, Amber Butler, Margie Basaraba, Jonalyn Clayton, Debbie McEnespy, David Kamka, Joe Eatherton, Steve Staaben and Tim Turrell will blow out their candles.

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Kerri Rankin Thoreson is a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and the former publisher of the Post Falls Tribune. Main Street appears every Wednesday in The Press and Kerri can be contacted on Facebook or via email mainstreet@cdapress.com. Follow her on Twitter @kerrithoreson.