Time to revive courtesy

As I set up for a routine right turn from westbound Prairie Avenue (the intersection light was green), a traffic officer would have approved. Slowing steadily from the approved speed limit, I turned on my blinker in advance. Scanned traffic. Started my turn, neither irresponsibly fast nor Granny Snail’s pace.

And got an angry horn blare from the truck behind me. Nice.

He must have just been miffed he had to slow down. Did I mention he accelerated, his tires screeching away? Those seconds my turn cost him must have spiked his blood pressure.

It’s a perfect story for National Courtesy Month.

According to Merriam-Webster and Oxford Dictionaries, courtesy is behavior marked by good manners or respect for others; being polite in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. A little mutual courtesy goes a long way toward making life better for everybody.

Not to mention keeping blood pressure in check.

It takes little effort to extend simple kindness. People just seem to be out of the habit of making them as often as we used to.

The word courteous derives from Middle English curteisie and Norman French cortoisie, meaning courtliness, elegance of manners, noble sentiments or generosity. In words attributed to the great English novelist Henry James,

“Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; the third is to be kind.”

Courtesy tends to breed itself. My courtesy in indicating a turn in advance might have elicited the courtesy of laying off the horn.

We have so many opportunities to express courtesy in words, without compromising intention or opinion. Acknowledging intended helpfulness before (nicely) refusing it. Expressing thanks for a compliment or small tasks done (Babe, I appreciate you taking out the trash every week).

Holding a door for the package-laden stranger, keeping the elevator ready if someone approaches or letting them exit first, please and thank you, and perhaps above all in our crowded town: a little patience.

A smile or wave at a passing fellow dog-walker. A smile is the easiest courtesy.

Courtesy is giving full attention to people interacting with us. That means pausing and making eye contact, looking at people in conversation or at meals, instead of the phone or TV. It’s simply acknowledging them when they say something (even with a simple “yes,” or “oh”), instead of “was that a question?” or simply saying nothing. Saying nothing in response can make people feel they or their words have little value.

In shared or common areas, courtesy is keeping one’s own clutter in the smallest possible space, or put away. It’s not having phone conversations on speaker or playing music or video aloud when others are trying to read or talk.

In essence courtesy is simply thinking about things from others’ perspectives, a habit that quickly grows once employed. Not asking about someone’s salary uninvited, or why they have no kids (or assuming they do). Saying sorry when you may be wrong, or simply hurt their feelings, however unintentional. It’s universally human.

Courtesy is making others feel equal in human value. Not secondary to the bubble around ourselves.

Courtesy is humility, and humility is not a lack of confidence. It’s an acknowledgement and respect for others’ value (hidden or obvious), in small ways and big. When we don’t show it for others, we get less in return.

Our society has become increasingly narcissistic, we may not mean it, but we seem to be so focused on our own mini-worlds that we are forgetting others are there, unless that other is immediately impacting us. The trouble with that is, it has mutual effects — like a mirror showing a reflection of a world that just doesn’t care.

I don’t believe that. Humans are still the same inside, despite our less courteous habits. Deep down, we do care.

Practicing courtesy is a funny thing; the more we do it, the more that caring comes to the surface. And the more that happens, the more mutual kindnesses — and I do mean the little things — make us feel happier day to day. Which makes courtesy easier to muster, which makes others feel good, which makes us all happier …

You get the idea. It’s not the fancy manners. It’s the world we’d all rather live in.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who doesn’t honk back. It’s a matter of courtesy. Email Sholeh@cdapress.com.