THE FRONT ROW with MARK NELKE: An endurance alternative to Ironman — with four wheels

Ironman Coeur d'Alene is such an inspirational event.

Even if you can't swim, and don't feel like riding 112 miles on your bike, then running a marathon, the vibe from just being around those folks trying to do so is incredible.

Back in the days when everyone started at the same time and you had to be done by midnight to hear the P.A. guy proclaim, "You ... are ... an ... Ironman!", one of the best parts of the event was showing up during the last hour of the race and watching folks try to finish before midnight.

The encouragement from the crowd was almost enough to inspire those watching to give Ironman a try themselves the next year.

Almost.

But if not, we need to create another type of competition, for those who would rather be in an air-conditioned car, rather than outside in the 100-degree heat.

Hence, the debut of ... CarIronman Coeur d'Alene.

THE FIRST leg of CarIronman Coeur d'Alene requires participants to successfully navigate U.S. 95 northbound, from Ironwood Drive to Wyoming Avenue in Hayden, in less time than it takes to play nine holes of golf.

Just kidding ... sort of.

Points are deducted if you get boxed in behind a logging truck or a loaded semi.

If you get in the left lane to go around the logging truck and/or the semi, and the driver in front of you is lollygagging at the same turtle-like pace as the trucks are, there is no penalty, as we don't want to encourage folks to use the median or the shoulder of the road to pass, or try the "bump to pass" method that's so popular at Stateline Speedway.

Double points are deducted if an 80-year-old woman with a walker, heading up the trail which runs along 95, passes you.

THE SECOND leg of CarIronman Coeur d'Alene involves navigating every traffic circle in the Coeur d'Alene and Post Falls area.

You may refer to traffic circles as roundabouts, and you're certainly welcome to. I don't, because I usually start singing the Yes song by the same name when someone mentions roundabouts.

Anyway, traffic circles have proven to be one of the greatest inventions in traffic history. In some cases, they have eliminated some deadly crashes that took place at intersections where previously one of the streets boasted a warning sign that said CROSSING TRAFFIC DOES NOT STOP.

At others, it eliminated the long lines at what were previously four-way stops, and featured a lot of people staring at each other at the stop sign, wondering who was going to go first.

Remember to keep it at 25 mph when you drive up Fourth Street to the traffic circle at Hanley Avenue.

It looks like a stock car race watching folks navigate the new traffic circles on Seltice Way, one at Atlas and the other at the Riverview Apartments, which feature two lanes going through the traffic circle, not just one.

And don't be beside a truck as you enter the traffic circle, or you might end up part of the landscape in the middle of the circle.

There is a traffic circle of sorts at Park Drive and Garden Avenue in Coeur d'Alene, near the entrance to North Idaho College. It's offset a bit, and the temptation, if you're heading north on Park and wanting to turn left onto Garden, to undercut the circle and not go all the way around.

DON'T DO THIS! That would be grounds for immediate disqualification from CarIronman Coeur d'Alene.

THE FINAL leg of CarIronman Coeur d'Alene consists of maneuvering around one giant, and still growing pothole.

If you've ever shopped at Ironwood Square on Ironwood Drive, and exited by turning right onto Government Way, you've no doubt met this pothole.

A year or two ago, there was a similar pothole developing at the entrance to Ironwood Square, if you were headed east on Ironwood Drive and took that first right into the shopping center.

But, by comparison, that one was fairly easy to straddle, and eventually was filled in.

But the pothole lurking for those turning south onto Government Way, well, it keeps growing, and growing.

It's just before you hit the street and at least a couple feet wide by now, and how deep? No one wants to find out.

That pothole, too, is still straddle-able, but there is a catch — you have to keep your wheels straight until the rear wheels have passed the budding canyon, then you can turn to the right.

Problem is, your instincts tell you to turn your wheels to the right as you enter the street -- like you would on any other street that didn't feature a car-gobbling hole.

So you clear the pothole with your front tires, then instinctively turn right to fit into the lane and ... WHAMMO! your back left tire ker-thunks into the hole, and your car is one step closer to an alignment.

SO THERE you have it.

If you can successfully navigate your way through Cd'A up U.S. 95 without getting boxed in by a semi or a logging truck, and you can successfully navigate all the roundabouts in the area without broadsiding anyone or getting broadsided yourself, and you can clear that growing pothole at Ironwood Square and Government Way, then ...

"You ... are ... a ... CarIronman!"

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via email at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @CdAPressSports.