THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: This Super Sunday, this Bud won't be for you

Suddenly, this Super Bowl has lost its glamor, because…

Tom Brady injured his shoulder helping make dinner?

Patrick Mahomes wrecked his ankle trimming the lawn?

No.

The game might still be a thriller without the two great quarterbacks.

But missing its Budweiser commercials?

Say it ain’t so.

Ah, but in the immortal words (word) of Dukie the talking parrot…

“True!”

It almost seems pointless, having a Super Bowl without the marketing team from Anheuser-Busch around to create another award-winning spot — something guaranteed to make us laugh hard enough to drop that queso dip on the carpet.

Unfortunately, this time Dukie is not wasting words (word)…

“True!”

There will be no Budweiser commercials in the Chiefs-Bucs showdown, which almost makes you want to spend the afternoon watching “Sleepless in Seattle” just one more time.

You gentlemen can pretend Meg Ryan hasn’t aged a day since 1993.

Sheesh…

Has it been 28 years?

BACK TO the crushing news of the week.

Indeed, Budweiser will be sitting out this Super Bowl, which kind of ruins the whole event.

Here’s the official gut punch, as reported by industry web site Front Office Sports…

“Don’t look for any splashy new ads from the King of Beers on Feb. 7.

“For the first time in 37 years, Budweiser is not airing a commercial during the Super Bowl.

“The beer giant announced it will instead donate the money to the Ad Council and the Covid Collaborative Vaccine Education Initiative.

“Last year, parent company Anheuser-Busch InBev was the top marketer during the game, spending an estimated $41 million on commercials — 10 percent of total ad revenue for the Super Bowl, according to data agency Kantar.”

And now?

Nada.

This is a heartbreaker for those of us who still idolize the Bud frogs, who lasted several seasons while being despised by Louie the Lizard.

Louis even hired a ferret to do away with our frogs.

Of course, it was a wasted attempt.

The ferret failed while trying to electrocute everything in the swamp, prompting Louis to utter one of television’s most famous lines…

“Never hire a ferret to do a weasel’s job.”

MUCH AS I loved the frogs — and those wild horses who played football — the funniest Bud commercials involved Dukie and the talking parrots.

Yep, that gave us another immortal one-word moment for the ages…

“WHASSUP?”

For about two years, every football fan greeted friends (and total strangers) by saying: “Whassup?”

Surely, there were some ad writers in Bud’s agency who scored enough cash to buy a private island in the Caribbean.

I mean, when your commercials are so good that millions of people wait for the Super Bowl just to see your frogs, parrots or horses, that’s creative genius.

AND NOW Budweiser will be sitting out a Super Bowl, perhaps to prove that Brady can’t draw new TV viewing records by himself.

Sorry, TB12.

You may be the GOAT, but you aren’t Dukie.

You’ll never stroll up to the line of scrimmage, stare over at a shifting defense, and holler…

“WHASSUP?”

Even Mahomes, the young pretender to your throne, faces an impossible task in trying to chase down the Hall of Fame antics of the Budweiser frogs.

They were the three greatest syllables in pro football history.

“Bud.
“Weis.”

“Er.”

Apologies, Patrick, but Dukie’s right that you’ll never have a Super Bowl like those frogs – or match the heroics of Louie and Frankie, the planet’s most loveable lizards.

Yo, Dukie…

Is Patrick’s quest hopeless, or what?

“TRUE.”

Email: [email protected]

Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.

Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published each Tuesday.