American fatherhood is shifting

Our eldest son is a happy stay-at-home dad. After his wife’s maternity leave ended, he quit his professional job to care full-time for their 1-year-old.

Let’s just say stickers are the new black.

If you read “The Stay-at-Home Dad” column in Coeur Voice, you have an inside view of Press writer Tyler Wilson’s hilarious brood. How he gets any work done is beyond me.

These two dedicated dads exemplify the shifting scene of American fatherhood. Rare is the one-income earner who comes home to dinner on the table with little involvement in their kids’ worlds. While most little kids are still raised mostly by mom, things are noticeably shifting.

Coparenting is in, and increasingly dads are opting to take over child rearing. That’s good for kids and dads.

A December 2013 CDC report, “Fathers’ Involvement with their Children,” concluded when dads dress, diaper and bathe their babies, and play with their kids, the father-child relationship tends to be stronger throughout life.

Key findings from Pew Research Center’s report “8 facts about American dads,” updated in 2019, illustrate how millennials and younger generations with children under 18 approach fatherhood differently than their parents did:

1. More stay-at-home dads. The share of fathers who stay home to parent nearly doubled between 1989 and 2016 — reaching a total 17 percent of all stay-at-home parents. Among millennial dads aged 20 to 35, 6 percent were stay-home. That’s twice the rate of Gen X dads at the same age. Choosing to is becoming much more common; 24 percent of stay-at-home dads reported kids are why they’re at home, up from just 4 percent in 1989. Among stay-home moms, 78 percent cited kids as the main reason, down from 86 percent in 1989.

2. Dads see parenting as central to their identity. Dads (57 percent) are now just as likely as moms (58 percent) to say parenting is “extremely important” to their identity. Both about equally appreciate the benefits of parenthood: 54 percent of dads and 52 percent of moms said parenting is rewarding all of the time.

3. Work-family balance is a challenge. About half of working dads (52 percent) said it’s very or somewhat difficult to balance work and family, compared with 60 percent of working mothers. Twenty-nine percent of working dads (and 37 percent of working moms) said they “always feel rushed.”

4. Most Americans still believe dads are under more pressure to provide than parent. Three-fourths of adults (76 percent) believe men face a lot of pressure to support their family financially, while less than half said men face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent. It was flipped for women; 77 percent said moms are under heavy pressure to be an involved parent, and 40 percent said women are under pressure to provide financial support. A 2016 Pew survey found about half of adults (49 percent) said employers put more pressure on fathers to return to work quickly after a birth or adoption. A third said employers pressure mothers and fathers about equally.

5. It’s less common for dads to be the sole breadwinner. Dad is sole breadwinner in about one-quarter of families with children. That’s half the rate from 1970.

6. Dads are more involved at home. In 2016, fathers reported spending an average eight hours per week on child care — three times the rate in 1965. Dads also reported doing 10 hours of house chores weekly, up from only four in 1965. By comparison, mothers spend an average of about 14 hours a week on childcare and 18 on housework.

7. Caregiving stereotypes persist. Whatever the reality, perceptions still lag. While 71 percent said bonding with both is equally important, about half of Americans (53 percent) said breastfeeding aside, overall mothers are better than fathers at caring for a baby. Among the 44 percent of adults who said the ideal childrearing scenario is for one parent to stay home, 39 percent said it’s better if it’s mom. More than half (56 percent) said it doesn’t matter which parent stays home.

8. Despite parenting more, most dads feel it’s not enough. Sixty-three percent of dads said in a 2017 survey they spend too little time with their kids, nearly twice the rate of moms with such feelings. In both cases work was the primary reason. Dads feel less confident about their parenting abilities, with 39 percent of fathers saying they do a “very good job” raising their kids, compared to 51 percent of mothers.

Still more academic studies, such as those reported in Psychology Today, indicate children with more involved fathers tend to be physically and emotionally healthier, and perform better in school.

Especially when “more involved” leads to sticker-face. Or toenails painted six colors, accessorized with my nightgown. True story.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at Sholeh@cdapress.com.