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PRESS CHRISTMAS FOR ALL Young family asks only for food, gas

by ELLI GOLDMAN HILBERT
Staff Writer | December 16, 2021 1:06 AM

As part of the annual Press Christmas for All Campaign, we share with readers the stories of those applying for help. This is one of them.

“Eleanor” got off to a rough start in her young life. At 18 she married and moved to New Mexico but the relationship was an abusive one, she told Press Christmas for All. She divorced and remarried again at 26. The second relationship wasn't much better; cycles of abuse emerged over time.

“I’ve had a pretty hard time trying to deal with my life and figuring out how to fix it,” Eleanor said.

She finally found the strength to leave her second husband but then found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t supposed to be able to conceive and took the pregnancy as a sign that she should stay.

“I thought that maybe it would work out,” Eleanor said. “I thought things could get better for us.”

While Eleanor got sober to nurture the new life inside her, her husband kept abusing alcohol and things grew worse.

“When you are living a sober life, it's a lot harder to ignore the alcohol abuse,” Eleanor said. “But I stuck it out.”

She ended up checking herself into an inpatient treatment center that allowed her to bring her 1 1/2-year-old daughter. Treatment helped her realize what was happening in her marriage and the effects it had on her child. She graduated from the program and her parents came to pick them both up.

Eleanor’s husband assured her that he was doing better and she believed him. She decided to return to the relationship. What she found however was a worse situation. Her husband threatened to hurt her and her family if she left again, she said.

“I ended up losing everything I had gained in treatment,” Eleanor said. “And I was terrified about what my daughter was seeing.”

In 2019, Eleanor’s husband’s drinking landed him in the ICU with brain damage, severe liver failure and malnourishment. She saw this as her chance to leave once again, realizing she couldn't live like that anymore.

This time she didn't go back. Instead she got an attorney and sued for sole custody of her daughter.

A two-year court battle followed, which ultimately racked up about $23,000 in legal fees.

“It was so stressful not knowing if I’d have to share my daughter with him. I was terrified of her being alone with him,” Eleanor said.

But in May when she was granted sole custody, it was “the best day of her life,” she said. And she remained focused on her own sobriety and growth.

“Right now I am confident in my sobriety,” Eleanor said. “My No. 1 focus is being diligent, focusing on my spirituality and going to (sobriety) meetings.”

It's taken many years of chaos and uncertainty to get her life back on track, Eleanor said.

“I went eight years not thinking I was good enough for anyone,” Eleanor said. “But now I look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m a good person and I’m a good mom.’”

Today Eleanor has “a good partner” who has been clean and sober for seven years and supports Eleanor’s sobriety wholeheartedly.

“It’s amazing finding someone who treats me with respect,” Eleanor said. The two just welcomed a baby boy in March.

Eleanor is now a stay-at-home mom. Because of the high cost of child care, they decided it would be the best choice. But finances are extremely tight and her husband, a concrete finisher, was hurt and missed three months of work during recuperation.

“He kept trying to go back to work but would get sent home,” Eleanor said.

The family is asking Press Christmas for All for help with basic things, like gas and food. Even a $20 gas card would mean so much to the family now, Eleanor said. And Press Christmas for All is delivering.

The right kind of hand-up will help this family regain security and stability for the future of their two young children.

•••

Each year, Press readers donate generously to the program. Every penny raised is distributed to Kootenai County residents. All overhead costs are covered by The Hagadone Corp.

The gift recipients are our neighbors who are struggling, including the elderly, disabled, veterans, homeless and mentally ill. Many who seek assistance from Christmas for All are working, but living in poverty.

Beneficiaries of Press Christmas for All keep their dignity while the community provides a hand up to help get them back on their feet.

Press Christmas for All is managed by The Hagadone Corp., with assistance from CharityReimagined.Org. It is a legally recognized 501(c)(3) nonprofit, run entirely by volunteers.

Here are four ways to donate:

  • Mail a check to Press Christmas for All, 215 N. Second St., Coeur d’Alene, 83814.
  • Call The Press and make a secure credit card donation over the phone: 208-664-8176
  • Go to cdapress.com. Click on the MENU button, then click on Christmas for All 2021.
  • Drop off your check at The Press weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.: 215 N. Second St. in downtown Coeur d'Alene.

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