Masters of their fate

"All of us are human. But we are also the masters of our fate. We are the ones who decide how we are going to react to life."

This quote from Elizabeth Smart's book, "My Story," encompassed the message she and Marie Widmyer shared with over 400 attendees of the Coeur d'Alene Regional Chamber of Commerce Women's Luncheon on Tuesday afternoon.

As the two featured speakers of the luncheon, Smart and Widmyer shared how they overcame childhood events and took hold of their lives.

From June 2002 to March 2003, a 14-year-old Smart was kidnapped from her Salt Lake home, held captive and abused. Since then, Smart has advocated for child abduction recovery programs, the National AMBER Alert and other legislative measures.

"I will feel a debt of gratitude for the rest of my life because I believe I wouldn't be here if I hadn't had so many hundreds of thousands of people searching for me, praying for me and making sacrifices for me," Smart said. "I will never take that for granted."

Before her abduction, Smart said she had never viewed herself as "different from anyone else."

"I remember just days before I was kidnapped thinking, how bad of a thing could really happen to me?" Smart said. "I lived in a safe community, a nice home, and had a good family."

Smart never expected that only a few days later, she would wake up to her captor forcing her out of bed at knifepoint and changing her life.

"In less than 24 hours (I was) at school, talking with my friends about our summer plans to all of a sudden being kidnapped up on a mountainside," Smart said.

Growing up in a conservative, Mormon family, Smart said she was "innocent" and "very self-conscious." Making it that much harder when her captor, Brian David Mitchel, raped her and ordered Smart to be "his wife."

"I remember laying on the ground, crying over what I felt like I had lost," Smart said. "Not only had I lost my family, home, friends ... but now I also lost my value as a human."

A piece of sage advice Smart held dear throughout her nine months of captivity was from her mother, Lois. The advice, Smart explained, was that the only opinions which matter are God's and her mother's — two people that would always love Smart.

"It didn't matter that I had been kidnapped. It didn't matter that I had been raped. It didn't matter that I'd been chained up, my parents would still want me back, and they would still love me," Smart said. "It was in that moment that I was able to make the most important decision I could have — to do whatever I had to make it through."

A New York Times-bestselling author, Smart recently released "Where There's Hope," a book about overcoming trauma and reclaiming your life. After being rescued by police from her captors, Smart's mother gave her another piece of advice that the author shared with the audience Tuesday.

"By feeling sorry for yourself, holding onto the past, and reliving it over and over again, it only allows them to steal more of your life from you. They don't deserve that."

Smart noted that this advice isn't to say that when you decide to be happy, "all the bad stuff disappears," but that choosing happiness and self-value is essential.

"Happiness is real, and it is there for all of us," Smart said. "Sometimes we have to go out, and we have to fight for it. We have to hold on to it. We have to believe in it and keep working toward it."

Today, Marie Widmyer is a mother, grandmother, business owner, wife to Coeur d'Alene Mayor Steve Widmyer and Mrs. Idaho.

Born to a mother who struggled with abuse and drug use, Marie Widmyer recalled spending her childhood flowing in and out of foster homes. After being adopted by several families, Widmyer moved in with Rob, Don and their three children.

"We had hoped this could be our forever home," Widmyer said. "So much so we enrolled in the school year using their last name. That had never happened before."

With a beautiful home, country club membership and several business operations, the family was unlike anything Widmyer had experienced. One of their businesses was a child care center, where Widmyer and the other children helped with odd jobs.

On Sept. 10, Widmyer said she was mowing the front lawn when she witnessed the kidnapping of her foster family's 4-and-a-half-year-old daughter Jodi.

"Back and forth, my visual changed from street view to house view," she said. "On one street view, there was a truck pulling around the corner and into the parking lot out of sight. My young, middle-school mind drifted off, another lap completed. I noticed the truck pulling out, and a passenger was with them."

Five days later, two young men found the unconscious body of Jodi in a ditch off the side of a nearby road.

These were memories Widmyer wanted to "hide and forget," things that made her afraid to put herself out in the community and compete in pageantry. After encouragement from her family and reflection, Widmyer realized that people like her needed someone to whom they could relate.

"This taught me that sharing your story allows you to connect with yourself, heal and make a connection to others," Widmyer said. "Because Elizabeth allowed herself to proceed and share her story, I connected to her.

"If you have a dream, I encourage you to go do it. Don't let fear keep you from it. Don't let disconnection happen. Go start today, regardless of your circumstances."