THE CHEAP SEATS with STEVE CAMERON: For some, the NFL draft is a real snoozer
No doubt you’re excited.
Shivering with anticipation, most likely.
Yes, the 2021 NFL draft is upon us, and it will dominate the weekend like Orson Welles doing “The War of the Worlds.”
There’s nothing like the draft.
Entire forests have been sacrificed to provide written analysis on the footwork of that previously unknown left guard from the University of Southern Saskatchewan.
Enough hot air will be tossed into the atmosphere via countless networks, streaming services and podcasts to nudge the climate temperature up a couple of degrees.
The whole thing is massively exciting, but…
Me?
Yawn.
Put on another pot of coffee to keep me awake.
And make it strong, because I can feel my eyelids getting heavy.
Keep me away from the sound of Mel Kiper Jr., no matter what it takes, because the guy can put me in coma with his babbling about some cornerback’s “high hips.”
Each year, I start to drift off while wondering how much motor oil it takes to hold Mel’s hair in place.
Then…
Zzzzzzz.
SO, WHY does the draft put me to sleep before we’re halfway through the first round?
C’mon, think about it.
No matter how many mock drafts you’ve read — complete with detailed information on every player — NOBODY knows how these young men will perform as actual pro football players.
NFL teams employ entire squadrons of scouts and analytics gurus to help them find every little edge in evaluating players.
Yet…
The Chicago Bears took Mitch Trubisky, and let Patrick Mahomes walk off toward immortality.
I mean, hey, if people who have spent their lives in the sport are paid to know that one quarterback is better than another, and they get it wrong again and again…
Is that mock draft you’re reading have any more use than lining the bird cage?
Think about it.
You’re sitting there, hoping and praying that the Seahawks select a particular wide receiver that you really fancy.
You get more and more nervous as Seattle’s turn is coming up.
But then…
The Seahawks trade that second-round pick for a fourth and a sixth, along with another fourth-rounder in 2025.
GM John Schneider does so much manipulating of his choices that…
Well, a couple of years ago, Seattle was finished with the whole process — packing up, calling it a night — when Schneider traded BACK into the draft.
That’s how we learned about John Ursua, and I’m always hoping the slot receiver from Hawaii will become a regular part of the rotation.
As tedious as the draft becomes, that move was fun.
It would be kind of cool if the kid who was off the board, and then back on it, eventually caught a lot of passes.
I SUSPECT Schneider has the right idea about the draft.
Everyone jokes about how he trades back, and then back again, to acquire as many picks as possible — even if they’re in lower rounds.
I like that plan.
Since no one really knows what players will make it in the league — let alone become stars — why not go for quantity?
Draft as many question marks as possible, and hope that two or three of them turn out to be legit pros.
Of course, I am absolutely gone — snoring loudly enough to shatter windows — by the time the Seahawks finally do select a batch of total unknowns.
I think it’s hilarious that Joe Fan from New York or Cleveland or wherever actually cheers or boos when his team makes a selection.
Sheesh, pal, professionals making big money don’t know for certain if this guy you’re booing might wind up in the Hall of Fame.
Even Kiper doesn’t know.
MY THEORY…
Just relax, don’t even bother to memorize all the names, and just wait a few months to see how your draftees actually play the game.
Like, on a real football field.
The Seahawks don’t get any points or victories because they’ve selected a guy with terrific highlight clips.
Those plays came from the South Delaware Conference, and you know what?
They might not translate all that smoothly to the NFL.
On the other hand…
In the 1985 draft, Jerry Rice from Mississippi Valley State was still sitting there at No. 16.
Hey, he played against poor competition and ran the 40 in a pokey 4.71.
Fifteen teams carefully noted Jerry’s flaws, and thus missed out on 22,895 yards worth of pass receptions.
It’s a guessing game, folks.
Better to just take a nap.
Email: scameron@cdapress.com
Steve Cameron’s “Cheap Seats” columns appear in The Press on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. “Moments, Memories and Madness,” his reminiscences from several decades as a sports journalist, runs each Sunday.
Steve also writes Zags Tracker, a commentary on Gonzaga basketball which is published monthly during the offseason.