Where the rubber meets the road
Reporter’s note: Quotation marks show direct quotes from the media, such as a newspaper. All other commentary is from Your On-The-Street Reporter.
Report 9: 7-Eleven Store Robbed of 10 Boxes of Condoms by Man in a Wheelchair
Dallas, Texas
Dallas (AP), “Man in wheelchair robs Texas 7-Eleven of Condoms,” The Press, September 6, 2008
A robber rolled into a Dallas convenience store armed with a bat, a knife, and a wheelchair. He left in his wheelchair with condoms and an energy drink.
Detectives deduced the robber decided to take the energy drink after he made his selection of several dozen condoms.
Dallas police Cpl. Kevin Janse said a man in a wheelchair entered a Dallas 7-Eleven Wednesday afternoon, rolled straight to a cash register and beat it with a baseball bat until it opened. But he didn’t grab any cash from the register. Instead, police say he wheeled down the aisles of the store, where he stole 10 boxes of condoms and an energy drink.
Which prompted the store manager to ask the rubber robber as he made his exit, “Hey man, looks like you’re spending the night. You might need more than just one of those energy drinks!”
A follow-up investigation will try to answer why the robber attacked the cash register in the first place. Upon the thief grabbing 10 boxes of condoms and opting for a mere energy drink instead of Viagra, they suspect he probably wasn’t thinking straight.
Janse says the suspect may have been homeless and was likely intoxicated at the time of the robbery.
An interesting assertion on the part of Mr. Janse. Does a person using a wheelchair mean the person is homeless? Or a person who uses a lot of condoms? It could be that the person had not had sex for a while … a long while.
To be fair and accurate, and risking flak from the political correctness industry, being in a wheelchair does not preclude having sex. But it does require practicing an abridged version of Kama Sutra. Anyway, readers of this news release are looking forward to a follow-up report.