The enemy of your resolutions

Surveys tell us only so much. The size of the sample, profiles of respondents, and how things are phrased and interpreted affect results. But whether New Year’s resolutions surveys conclude the “success” rate is 6 percent (Yougov Omnibus) or 44 (Marist Institute for Public Opinion), the consistent conclusion is that the average New Year’s resolution is more likely to fail than succeed.

Before you dump yours, consider this: Success depends on what you resolve, and how realistic you are.

While more exercise and less weight historically top the list, they’re consistently rated the most likely to fail. Health club associations say about half of new gym members who sign up in January lose their resolve before mid-year. This year, according to an Ipsos survey of the resolution intentions of 2,011 Americans (reported by Statista), exercise and weight loss ranked just below better finance management (1) and nutrition (2).

A 2018 Yougov Omnibus survey found that 63 percent of Americans didn’t bother with New Year’s resolutions, and only 1 in 5 of those who did “mostly or completely” stuck with them past February. (The age group least likely to make one was 55 and older.)

Does that mean there’s really no point to resolution-making? Maybe there is, but it depends on the approach.

Part of the problem, say psychologists, is decision fatigue. Apparently decision-making can tire us out, as can the energy required to set too-high goals then failing to meet them. If the goal is financial, add the stress that focusing on money worries brings (although the reward of achieving it is high).

Disappointment is an exhausting beast.

So, say theorists, the key is to set achievable, realistic, and specific goals that match our individual abilities to meet them. A Dec. 5, 2018, article in Psychology Today offered four reasons why resolutions commonly fail, especially in sequence:

1. Goals aren’t clear. What led to these goals and why are they important to you? How would achieving them influence your life? If you can’t easily answer, clarify them. Crafting vague objectives can cause psychological distress that deters success. The crucial component is tailoring tasks that align with who you are and where you wish to be, knowing why and setting goals that make sense for you and fit well in your life.

2. You feel overwhelmed. Change is daunting. Finding the path as you go, not knowing where to start or how to continue, and feeling pressured and in a hurry can be counterproductive. Over time, that can build walls or resistance. Understanding this, being self-aware is step one. Baby steps forward may not be a bad thing, and can be less overwhelming, resolving to step it up only when and if simpler goals have been met.

3. You get discouraged. Especially with 1 and 2 happening, it’s common to feel impatient with the process. Resolutions commonly involve long-term results, so if you’re not seeing early signs of progress, you may be asking yourself if it’s worth it. This fork in the road makes it hard not to go back to the prior routine. Recognizing that changing routines feels uncomfortable until new ones are well established, and re-evaluating which methods work better for you can help. It doesn’t hurt to accept that more time is needed, and that incremental results are worth celebrating.

4. You’re not ready to change. Growth isn’t linear; it can happen in subtle layers. Sometimes people feel hungry for change, but aren’t ready yet. This takes it back to item 1 and considering the what, when and why of the resolution (excuses are a big hint). This lack of connection, motivation, and dedication doesn’t mean that your goals aren’t representative of your dreams, say psychologists. It may simply mean that these aren’t the goals that matter the most to you right now.

Or just focus on empathy — and happiness. If all that seems like too much, here’s a nice idea that’s readily achievable and offers instant feedback: Resolve to have more empathy or, put otherwise, to be kinder.

How? Psychologist, Ted Talk guru, and host of the podcast “The Science of Happiness” Dacher Keltner says increasing happiness and empathy starts with quiet self-discovery. He suggests beginning with regular meditation, prayer or other introspective experiences; increasing connections with nature; and then refocusing social connections with that renewed spirit.

Add one more empathy-increasing tip from Harvard University scientist-author Steven Pinker, and supported by research: Read more literary fiction. It seems great novels, which focus on character psychology, help us understand one another, as well as ourselves. Plus it’s just fun.

Happy new year, and good luck.

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Sholeh Patrick is a fiction-loving columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at [email protected].