Lots of ways to watch your favorite team - until there isn't

So here I sit in my living room on a typical Saturday morning, geared up to watch several hours of college football, with several viewing options around the dial and the world wide web.

There’s the main TV, hooked up to my carrier of choice (for now).

Another TV, hooked up to an antenna — and hoping the signal is strong enough.

Another TV, which takes almost as long to warm up as a box of frozen lasagna.

Another TV, hooked up to the 9-year-old neighbor boy, perched on the roof and facing in the proper direction.

With a desktop computer, a laptop and a smartphone available for games available over the internet. Plus radio.

Meanwhile, a beautiful September blizzard rages outside my window.

Wait, what?

OK, THE above scenario might have been a bit of an exaggeration — for one, it’s much harder to get a 9-year-old on the roof than it used to be.

But you get my drift.

The old days of one college football game on at a time are long gone, with games (and choices) on all over the airwaves from 9 a.m. to ... well, close to 2 a.m. during game-delayed-by-lightning season.

It used to be that you were only limited on how many of these games you could see by how much you were willing to spend on equipment, and the technology required to bring the games to said equipment.

And perhaps the height and number of trees in your yard.

And what was allowed to hang on the outside of your apartment.

But now, our ability to watch whatever games we want to watch is being severely hampered by spats between TV stations, and those that carry them, over how much said channels will pay for the right to be distributed to us.

So instead of tuning in and watching, say, a Seahawks game, we turn to that channel and stare at an apology on the screen.

Which, unfortunately, in this day and age of advanced technology, is pure, 100 percent ...

“Mulefritters!” as Col. Potter used to say on M*A*S*H.

START WITH DirecTV.

Those viewers have been without KAYU, the local FOX station, for months. Recently, the NBC affiliate (KHQ) was taken away.

Viewers in Lewiston are being threatened with the loss of their CBS affiliate.

(First the Timber Creek Buffet closes. Now this!)

Now, Dish Network is threatening to yank its FOX channels — FOX, FS1, FS2 and the Big Ten Network — over a carriage dispute.

That would affect Sling subscribers as well.

It’s bad enough if you want every NFL game, you have to subscribe to DirecTV for the NFL Sunday Ticket.

But you can’t get the Pac-12 Networks there. That would be through Dish, Sling, etc.

And now with carriers pulling some of your favorite channels, the only way to get them is to switch back and forth from satellite to over-the-air — or hook up multiple TVs.

Or invest in several satellite dishes big and small, hook up to your local cable provider — and then have to save on your food bill by eating condiment packets as a meal.

It’s enough to call your provider and tell them to shove it up their U-ver ...

Sorry, got carried away there.

No word on when any of this will ever end. Both sides blame each other when channels are taken away from us, so we’ll never get a straight answer.

THERE ARE different tiers of television service, depending on how much you are willing to shell out.

My brother used to suggest there be a tier where you received every channel known to man — so long as you were willing to pay for it.

In this day and age, that should be an option.

So should the ability to choose whatever channels you want to watch, and pay for them accordingly.

(And likewise, not have to pay for channels you don’t want, just to get the ones you do want.)

Want every channel that shows a sporting event? Here’s how much it will cost you ...

Want to watch the local news in, say, Salt Lake City, or Portland, or Atlanta? That’ll be ...

Need to have DOGTV to leave on while you’re away, to keep the canines calm? Dig a little deeper in your pockets.

The point is, this shouldn’t be like mating, where you have to weigh the pros and cons before you decide whether to invest.

If you want it, and are willing to pay for it, you should get it.

There should be some brainiacs out there capable of making this happen.

So TechnoNerds, get after it.

Please.

We’re running out of 9-year-olds to hoist onto the roof.

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via email at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter@CdAPressSports.