MLP: Good sentences don't run

Your Mrs. Language Person has a short attention span.

Get to the point, demands the Snitty Old Biddy, with quick efficiency. None of these long, snake-like sentences with run-ons, redundancies, and rambling ostentations — or pure laziness of thought; no, instead do employ that filter which is editing, which separates the wheat of well-crafted writing from the chaff of sentences such as this one, a mere 50 words, if you please!

Now really, couldn’t that have been communicated more efficiently? Hello, are you still there? Wake up. It gets better.

After a 47-word sentence in this newspaper was brought to MLP’s attention, the time seemed ripe for a refresher on run-on sentences. And fragments. Like these two (journalistic license to break the rules for style notwithstanding).

A fragment is a sentence which isn’t. A wannabe, such as this one. Schoolteachers taught us that a sentence has a subject, verb, and object. It is a complete thought, an independent clause. A fragment is missing one or more of those elements. “A wannabe, such as this one” (no verb).

To fix a fragment, either complete the thought (“fragments are wannabe sentences”) or insert it within a sentence (“Fragments — such as this wannabe — are incomplete sentences”).

That said, occasionally fragments are appropriate, such as when preceded by a question. Would MLP approve in that case? Surprisingly, yes.

Run-ons are far more common fauxs-pas. These sentence stinkers commit one of two grammatical crimes:

1. They are technically correct but drag on so long or meander so much the reader is left bored or fed-up; or

2. They’re so littered with unnecessary words or overflowing with interjected thoughts that readers become lost or confused.

The third sentence of this column is a shameful, if intentional, example. The answer is simple: Break it up.

Divorce the phrases and turn them into their own separate sentences, in sequential order. This often requires rewording, but it’s ever so much nicer. Don’t get stuck on your own words; if no one pays attention, what’s the point of writing them?

“Long, snake-like sentences with their run-ons, redundancies, and rambling ostentations bore readers. Thoughts should not equal words on a page; that’s the lazy approach. Instead, use editing and rewriting as a filter to separate the wheat from the chaff. Well-crafted writing holds readers’ attention. Remember, a 50-word sentence is a yawn-inducer.”

Now isn’t that better?

Thanks to reader J.B. for today’s topic. In other words, if this column doesn’t satisfy, Dear Reader, don’t blame MLP.

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Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick are columnists for the Hagadone News Network. Complaints and comments to [email protected]. You caught that fragment.