Got night-hags? Skip the numbles

If you frequent the U.K. or read as many English novels as I do, you know the English love goofy words and nicknames. Hungry? Try spotted dick (a desert), soldiers (sliced toast) or a bacon buttie (sandwich). Feeling chuffed (happy), cheeky (rude) or knackered (tired)? Don’t be surprised if a Brit asks for a fag; that’s a cigarette.

You’ll still hear those in modern English homes. But wouldn’t it be fun to bring others back, such as these in (American) author Jeffrey Kacirk’s book, Forgotten English:

Crapulence brings to mind a four-letter word. According to Kacirk this 18th century word from the Latin crapula (intoxication), referred to “intestinal and cranial distress ... arising from intemperance and debauchery.”

Speaking of intemperance, a grog-blossom is the red face of alcoholic overindulgence.

Don’t be an opscheplooper (uninvited dinner guest) and beware of bloachers (huge animals).

Eye-servants were lazy workers who only did their duties when in sight of the master.

Newlywed? Enjoy your flitterwochen (fleeting weeks, a.k.a. the honeymoon).

Fribblers are well-known to women. That’s a guy who says he’s into it but won’t commit.

A mumpsimus is apropos of modern politics. That’s “an incorrigible, dogmatic old pedant,” or someone who clings to an incorrectly based opinion. According to Kacirk, mumpsimus started in the 15th century when a clergyman misspelled the Latin sumpsimus — its antonym.

For centuries night-hags — female demons — were blamed for bad dreams. To avoid one put blessed bread under your pillow.

Thank goodness for modern medicine. Groaning-cheese was the medieval epidural. Eating it allegedly soothed labor, along with groaning-cake and groaning-drink (probably more effective). A lettice-cap filled with herbs was placed on shaved heads to cure headaches. Speaking of bald heads, they were called pilgarlik (looks like peeled garlic). Pray you’ll never need a nimgimmer — a surgeon who treated the pox and the clap (STIs).

Numbles were animal intestines and internal organs, eaten in a dish called garbage pye. How appetizing.

In the American South you’ll still hear derogatory references to petty-foggers or pettifoggers — unethical lawyers.

As if that’s not enough, today’s weird word is logorrhea (log-uh-RI-uh) — an excessive flow of words. (Thanks to teacher M. Griffitts for suggesting pronunciations.)

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Sholeh Patrick is a bibliophile, lexiconophile, and ailuraphile. Tell me your philias at [email protected].