Today's ghastly groaner

A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“36.”

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Send your groaners to Maureen Dolan, [email protected].

Remember: Keep ’em clean and don’t be mean.