STEP TALK with Alexandra Mortensen
With sports season in full swing, many blended families are facing an experience even more uncomfortable than striking out in kickball—figuring out where all the parents and stepparents should sit at these games.
If you have such a rapport that you can easily, and maybe even enjoy, sitting together to watch the kiddos, that’s fantastic. You’re in the ideal situation, and those of us with not quite so ideal dynamics will admit we’re jealous.
So, when sitting side-by-side isn’t an option, what do you do?
Don’t make it weird.
Children are more perceptive than we may realize at times and they will pick up on the awkward tension. They already have nervous excitement about their game and the last thing they need is feeling the weight of knowing the people who love them don’t love each other. Have your favorite wine ready and waiting for you at home as a reward for good behavior, if you need to. Get in a sweat sesh before the game - endorphins make you happy and happy people don’t get in negative public interactions. They just don’t. Do whatever you need to do to prepare for the emotions you may experience. It may inevitably be slightly weird, but please make it as pleasant as possible.
Respect yourself.
On the flip side, you don’t need to put yourself in a situation that’s sincerely horrible for you. If tensions are so high that even being near one another is very uncomfortable, then don’t be. It’s okay to sit on the opposite side of the field. Just don’t walk in, make it obvious that you’re looking for “the other parents” and sprint to the other side. We’re all adults here and we all know what being passive aggressive looks like—don’t do it. I fully believe that it’s okay to act like strangers if that’s what it takes to create the most positive situation possible during these brief times.
Remember why you’re there.
It’s unfortunate for everyone involved if attending a children’s sports game is so uncomfortable that you need to prepare yourself ahead of time. However, with different personalities, dynamics and histories, it may be sad, but it’s simply a reality that sometimes comes with blended life. I understand. If I am ever faced with being in the same room as my husband’s ex-wife, I will have to use every calming tactic I can. It’s tough, but who you’re there for are the little athletes. They’re the innocent parties and they didn’t create this situation. They just want to show off their sports skills to their family and make them proud.
Kids grow up so quickly and before you know it there won’t be games to go to. When you look back you’ll be grateful that your put your focus on what was really important.