Panacea in a 12-ounce (burp) can
Please forgive us one historical sexist reference, because it fits with a much happier story line.
Here goes …
Back in 1976, country crooner Mickey Gilley released a song called “Don’t the Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time.”
(You can breathe now, ladies. We’re done with the yucky stuff.)
Anyhow, it was hard not to recall that awful title a couple of years ago, when a Japanese company released a light beer called “Precious.”
The brew contained two grams of collagen per can — the stuff often injected to give skin more elasticity, and make users look younger.
It seemed like a great hook: Never mind just the girls, guzzle this stuff and YOU might look better at closing time.
And forever, even.
OK, so it turned out the campaign to drink collagen-laced brew went down the toilet.
But some stunning facts have been uncovered in the meantime — steady here, now — and they seem to prove that beer itself may be a remarkably healthy product.
No, seriously.
A recent study suggests that beer, consumed moderately, has some amazing effects.
It has been shown, for example, to help in preventing heart problems, diabetes, dementia and inflammation — among other benefits.
You’ve probably heard for years that red wine is good for you. That’s very true, but it turns out beer contains just as many antioxidants as wine, only with additional proteins and vitamin B.
There’s more: Research by the European Association for the Study of Diabetes showed that subjects who drank three or four beers per week had a far less chance of developing diabetes than those who didn’t.
Even better, another study turned up news that regular but sensible beer drinkers have a 42 percent less chance of a heart attack.
Whoa!
Just as an aside …
Where was this information when I was in college and needed another excuse?
Anyhow, this entire new look at beer and its effect on long-term health is a bombshell.
“Amen, amen!” said Kelly Nosworthy, proprietor of Nosworthy’s Hall of Fame, a tavern and restaurant on North Fourth Street in Coeur d’Alene. “Finally, someone is on our side.”
SUCH NEWS about the useful side of beer seems to have caught parts of the alcohol industry by surprise.
“I hadn’t heard about it,” Nosworthy said, “but I guarantee I’ll be checking it out as soon as possible.
“This can change some of our business,” he added, laughing. “Guys who come in for breakfast can have a beer instead of coffee, because it’s healthier.”
Not so long ago, that line wouldn’t fly in most homes — but with each new study, your can or bottle of brew is gaining a better reputation.
If scientists measuring such things are correct, beer even has a tendency to make your teeth whiter.
Sheesh!
“Is there more?” Nosworthy said, perhaps waiting to hear about a chance at eternal life. “I love this.”
Naturally, there are some caveats to all this blessed news.
I mean, you can’t sit around getting hammered and claim you’re fighting off diabetes.
As for the possibility that beer actually can help prevent memory loss …
Well, chugging a 24-pack not only won’t postpone dementia, it might have an immediate and profound impact on short-term memory.
Like …
Where in the hell is my car?
•••
Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press.
Email: scameron@cdapress.com.
Facebook: BrandNewDayCDAPress.
Twitter: @BrandNewDayCDA