It's getting mighty stupid out there

Yeah, I’m a little grumpy this week.

You can start with the fact that on Monday, a dentist hammered away on my jaw with a chain saw.

And then there’s been the news: The president is being sued by someone named Stormy Daniels, a C-list porn performer; the Indiana legislature passed a bill making it illegal to have tattoos on your eyeballs; some character in Texas donated $50,000 worth of frozen deer semen to a pal’s political campaign.

But let’s not make fun of others and forget that closer to home, Idaho lawmakers spent valuable time debating, and then passing, a bill to outlaw sharia law — which as my colleague Sholeh Patrick pointed out so clearly, is already illegal and unconstitutional.

Take in this stuff, and eventually your head feels like someone is driving a nail through it.

Even Jennifer Aniston, who lives in an $11 million mansion, is “lonely and hurting” (according to People magazine) after husband Justin Theroux decided to dump her.

Jen’s fans are even more upset at some other headlines, like: “Justin’s Seven Years of Hell.”

Nobody is happy anywhere — although I predict yet another comeback for Aniston, who will be the only human left alive among the cockroaches when the planet is finally destroyed.

But how about everyone else?

Even college basketball, heading into the ever-popular March Madness, has been laid low by an FBI investigation that threatens to upend the entire sport.

What if the NSA begins spying on office tournament brackets?

It would be the end of the U.S. economy.

Never mind tariffs and trade wars — arresting people at the water cooler who have three teams in the Final Four would cause anarchy.

Expect rioting in the streets if one of them is Gonzaga, perhaps the only clean program left in America.

See why I’m having a grim week?

AND THE worst of it is that I haven’t yet unloaded the most horrific bombshell of all.

This actually might REALLY be a sign that the Apocalypse is near. It honestly could be just Jennifer with the cockroaches, right around the corner.

Here is a fact: A survey conducted by The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery reported that last year, 55 percent of facial plastic surgeons treated patients “who wanted to look better in selfies.”

That number was up 13 percent from 2016 as most of us, apparently, are flocking to doctors who can rearrange our faces so they’ll beam brightly in selfies.

Don’t scream yet ... there’s more.

Most of the idiots who spend fortunes on selfie improvement are doing it because of a misunderstanding.

Seriously.

If you take a selfie at roughly arm’s length, your nose will be distorted — enlarged by roughly 30 percent.

Use a selfie stick, though, to get the phone out to a normal distance, and your nose (along with everything else) will appear in its true proportions.

So thousands of people, ignorant to the workings of a camera, are rushing to plastic surgeons and begging for smaller noses at $15,000 per slash.

There is really nothing I can add to this.

Plastic surgery is booming because of selfies.

Cue the Rapture.

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Steve Cameron is a columnist for The Press.

Email: scameron@cdapress.com.

Facebook: BrandNewDayCDAPress.

Twitter: @BrandNewDayCDA