It's OK to be imperfect

By DEVIN WEEKS

Staff Writer

COEUR d’ALENE — Shame is a powerful thing.

It propels us to strive to do better and to be better, to the point of anxiety, yet it holds us back while we tell ourselves we’re not good enough.

But in the words of Rachelle Strawther: “You are not the sum of your shame.”

“Shame can really paralyze if we let it, but we don’t have to," she said. "We don’t have to let it."

Strawther, the director of leadership training and development for Gonzaga University’s School of Leadership Studies, delivered a moving keynote speech Friday evening during the Women's Entrepreneurship Day conference in Schuler Auditorium at North Idaho College.

Her presentation, titled "The Power of Shame," explored the difference between shame and guilt, the origins and triggers of the shame people carry around with them and how shame is felt the same in men and women, but shows up differently.

For men in general, she said, shame comes out as perceptions of weakness or failure. For women, it shows up more as contradictory messages and double-binds (no-win situations).

"As a woman, if you're leading away and not engaging in conversation and not being engaged enough, putting up your hand and talking about things, you're not seen as a leader," Strawther said. "But then you start leaning in and talking and saying more and having an opinion and being a little assertive, oh 'bossy,' 'aggressive' or 'the B-word.' It's that trap, the trap that you can fall in."

Strawther's words resonated with the crowd, which consisted mostly of business women who are pursuing their dreams and careers and navigating the many times difficult waters of being a leader or entrepreneur in a world filled with male CEOs.

To combat the shame that keeps people from reaching their full potentials, Strawther recommended daily affirmations, consciously stopping negative talk in the mind and remembering that it's OK to be who you are.

"Some of you have just started businesses. You are doing the best you can, and that’s OK,” she said. "Do yourself a favor. It helped me a lot with this journey to be OK with being imperfect, being a work in progress and knowing that I’m not alone in that."

This personal and empowering message shined through an evening of enlightening, honest discussion panels and socializing opportunities.

During the "Does Entrepreneurship Create the Independence You Want?" discussion panel, moderator and Earthly Beauty Bar owner Lacey Moen discussed how career women and business owners have lives outside their jobs and domestic duties for which they are responsible. Their jobs begin when their eyes open in the morning and they don't end until they've shut for the night.

"We don't stop, ever," Moen said.

This was the second year the Women's Entrepreneurship Day event took place in Coeur d'Alene. The event lifts up women in business and gives them tools and inspiration to conquer fears and accomplish goals while working to alleviate poverty.

"We are helping people, were are giving people courage and/or tools that are helping them to be independent and be able to rely on themselves," said Latisha Taylor, Women's Entrepreneurship Day ambassador and event organizer. "The most important thing is when we walk through the door and move forward in our own careers, to be that change, we have to be sure we're propping that door open and bringing someone in behind us."

Info: www.womensdayidaho.org