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Today's ghastly groaner

| April 17, 2018 1:00 AM

The California Department of Transportation recently found over 200 dead crows on the state’s highways. There was concern the birds may have died from avian flu.

A pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and to everyone’s relief, the pathologist confirmed the problem was not avian flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

During analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the dead birds’ beaks and claws. Further analysis revealed 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2 percent were killed by cars.

The agency then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The expert quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a lookout crow to warn of danger, and while all the lookout crows could shout “CAH!” not a single one could shout “BIKE!”

— Bill Manning, Coeur d’Alene

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Email your ghastly groaners, with your full name and hometown, to Maureen Dolan at mdolan@cdapress.com.