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Happy Easter, kids!

by April Fuhl Staff Writer
| April 1, 2018 1:00 AM

COEUR d’ALENE — Kimmie Anderson cracked open a plastic Easter egg Saturday morning at City Park and tears burst from her little blue eyeballs.

Nearby, her mommy grinned.

“She’ll thank me someday,” Mrs. Anderson said as Kimmie, 4, sucked on a Brussels sprout before spitting it at a little boy nearby. Small children don’t cuss, but it sure sounded like a string of profanity followed that Brussels sprout out.

The Anderson family was among hundreds across Kootenai County who enjoyed the first Easter egg hunts where vegetables replaced tooth decay-promoting, fat-inducing chocolate and other culinary evils.

Churches, civic groups and helicopter parents all joined forces to reverse the antiquated practice of spoiling children with unhealthy treats at Easter time.

“We’re thrilled to teach the kids how satisfyingly succulent a big bite of broccoli can be,” said Tre Hugger of Hayden. “Instead of candy canes and Butterfingers, my wife, Bella, and I are going to put cauliflower ears and rutabaga bites in the kids’ stockings this Christmas.”

Pastor Hugh Cumber, watching adverse reactions from children during the City Park festivities, quipped: “Looks like some of the kiddos are resurrecting breakfast for Easter.”

Adults around him laughed as they sipped their kale-and-beetroot coffees.

The politically correct switch from generations of nutritional abuse wasn’t embraced by quite everybody. Buck Backstrom of Athol was spotted sneaking a Snickers to his despondent little boy, but both were instantly pelted with fistfuls of wild rice and uncooked collard greens.

Officials rounded up 14 tons of contraband chocolate rabbits, mini candy bars, Cadbury eggs and packets of Pez that would normally have gone into the plastic eggs. The forbidden booty was being taken to a nearby site where negligent parents and their deplorable offspring could take as much as they want, all free. The location is

See SPINACH, A11