There's nonverbal meaning in your voice

Editor’s Note: Business columnist Nils Rosdahl is taking a two-week break from his Business Bits column. This is the second of a two-part story offering topics from the class he gives at national College Media Association gatherings.

Using non-verbal communication is useful for more effective writing and interviewing. I’ve compiled this information from many sources over many years, and this topic has generated more positive feedback than any other I’ve offered in my 27 years of teaching journalism.

Continuing from last week:

3. PARALANGUAGE — About 38 percent of all meaning is transmitted by the voice. Keep aware of your side of the table.

A. Rate (speed of talk). Slower shows you want control or you’re actually thinking about what you’ll say. Too fast means you’re out of control, not thinking.

B. Volume. Louder means you want control, it’s out of control or one of you is hard of hearing. Softer may mean you’re meek or wanting to be romantic.

C. Pitch. Lower is for more control. A pretty, petite friend in Seattle became a judge. Her first day in the courtroom was a disaster. She had her hair in a cute flip, had on makeup that was too heavy, she spoke in a small voice and was so short she couldn’t see over the top of her “bench.” Right after work, she saw a counselor who had her cut her hair short, get rid of the makeup and speak louder and lower. Her husband made a booster for her chair. The next day she had complete control of the courtroom.

D. Tone. Tone of voice shows seriousness, sarcasm, humor.

E. Choice of words. Shows intelligence, vocabulary.

F. Emphasis to words. Write “He’s giving the money to her” and then read the sentence, emphasizing a different word each time, therefore changing the meaning of the sentence each time.

G. Drama/Energy. Draws more attention to what you’re saying.

H. Hesitation/Pauses. These usually are OK; they show you’re actually thinking. They seem longer to you than they do to the listener. They just can’t be uncomfortably long. Too often when we pause we feel as though we need to fill the gap with ...

I. Interjections, saying things such as “anyway, well, uh, like” to fill space in the conversation. Stuttering fits into this because it’s distracting.

J. Grammar. Poor grammar really can hurt or influence an interview, especially if the interviewer is a reporter using poor grammar or a journalism person interviewing for a job.

K. Accents, foreign language, pronunciation. Obviously, these affect communication. And they can be quite distracting or show a lack of education.

When I was a kid, my dad would have me on his lap to read comic books, with one of the characters being Yosemite Sam. I would see the word “Yosemite” in print, and my dad would deliberately mispronounce it as “yoze-might,” perhaps to entertain my mother listening nearby. So that’s the way I thought that word was pronounced. My freshman year in college, I sat in the front row of a large geology lecture hall. The instructor handed me a book and had me read aloud to the class something about Yosemite. Of course, I pronounced it YozeMight and had no idea why the class was howling with laughter. A bit embarrassing. But a cute girl consoled me afterward.

4. PROXIMICS (space).

A. Can depend on culture. In some, closer is better, such as The Philippines, as my son always is closer, which is difficult for me as I’m Nordic, where farther is better.

B. Can be territorial, People on death row like to be at least 4 feet apart,

C. Six inches or less is inappropriate unless you’re being intimate.

D. You’re in my personal space if you’re within 2 feet or less.

E. The best for interviewing is 3 to 4 feet. Try to have each of you at the corner of a table. The corner of the table psychologically provides a comfortable barrier. The opening outside the corner provides a psychological opening and can allow for ...

5. TOUCH.

A. Sometimes touch is needed. If someone tells you something emotional, you can suitably react by patting him/her on the elbow. It’s safe because it’s boney (protective to them), it’s physically sensitive (it has the crazy bone) and it’s physically and psychologically sensitive because it’s close to the heart.

B. Touching increases sociability (like the two-handed handshake).

C. Touching establishes a bond.

D. The first one to touch has the power.

6. OLFACTORY (smell).

A. This can be body odor, breath odor or an artificial scent, such as perfume or cologne. It shouldn’t be distracting. So if a person can smell it, it is distracting. The best scent is no scent.

B. A smoker is at a disadvantage because the smell is on his breath and his clothes. He may have on clean clothes that don’t smell, but it’ll be on his coat. It can destroy him in a job interview.

C. Be careful you don’t remove your shoes because your feet are hot and the other person won’t see you remove them under the table. Oh, they won’t see them ...

D. If you have to pass gas, ask to leave the room.

7. TIME.

A. Be on time. You know if you’re going to be late. If it’s five minutes, phone ahead and ask if it’s OK. If it’s more, phone ahead as early as possible and ask to be rescheduled. You’re really hurting yourself if you’re late.

B. Don’t be too early. It makes everyone uncomfortable. If you are early, ask where the breakroom is. You can learn some interesting stuff by listening to employees or just looking at things on the bulletin board.

C. If you’re one of many people interviewing for a job, try to be first or last in the morning or afternoon. That way the interviewer (and the receptionist) remember you, and your paperwork with your name on it is more visible.

8. TACTICS.

A. Putting this all together. Nonverbally, there’s no such thing as not communicating. You need to be skilled at sending the message you want to and interpreting the messages that others are sending.

B. This communication may be affected by “filters” from either party. These filters can include stress (something personal), hunger, health (a cold, headache, etc.), weather, lack of sleep, addictions (nicotine), interruptions, perceptions, news of the day.

C. We make choices that affect first impressions. Make sure your verbal and nonverbal messages don’t contradict each other. The nonverbal message will be the one that’s believed. Nonverbal communication should re-enforce verbal behavior rather than replace or contradict it.

D. Remember the things you can control. Develop them, practice them, use people you know. Use these for your own image in your interviewing. Use them to make your writing more interesting and alive.

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Contact Nils Rosdahl at [email protected].