TRUMP: A great getter-outer

Newt Gingrich tells the story of a man finding raccoons in his basement. I am kinda making his story my own.

A man comes home from a long trip and sadly discovers his basement has been taken over by raccoons — lots of nasty, mean-spirited, destructive, possessive and hateful little beasts. They are not to be reasoned with and not about to vacate without a battle.

Now, small talk, straight talk, sweet talk or long talks and promises of a better life elsewhere are not about to get rid of these belligerent rascals. The man needs a raccoon “getter outer” and doesn’t care if he is politically incorrect, has wild hair, cusses, boasts about his abilities and his new pickup — just rid his basement of these squatters that feel it’s now THEIR home. They have gotten into his pantry — heh, free food! Are sleeping on his bed — Wow, free housing! “This is great, We can stay here forever — they won’t want our kids to go hungry and certainly won’t put us out in the cold — we’re entitled to this.”

Sorry folks, seems I got off on a raccoon trail there — and I’m OK if the “getter outer” raccoon guy has been married 10 times, fires his office manager every week, tweets until the cows come home or if his son did talk with a Russian. Really, all I want is my basement back!

P.S. Except for the talking raccoons, this is mostly a true story.

MARVIN GEORGE MILLER

Coeur d’Alene