GOP: How to win White House

Conservatives of all stripes are not going to be happy until we re-capture the White House. And that’s why we need to radically change the GOP presidential nominating process.

Let’s eliminate the existing primary system. It costs too much money, and all those divisive debates and all those loser candidates just make us look bad. Instead, a la W., let’s appoint Dick Cheney to find the best candidate — but this time, for the top spot. Sure, Cheney will no doubt once again choose himself. But, so what and why not? With a new pre-Obamacare heart, he’s in better health now than 30 years ago. (If necessary, I’m sure we can find another independent physician to verify this.) On Inauguration Day he will be only 74, just a few years older than The Gipper was. And, most importantly, we’ve seen Dick in action and we’ll know exactly what we’re getting.

E.T. DWYER

Flagstaff, Ariz.