Bet you know a toxic person

In life, when others get you down, it helps to step back and ponder the larger picture. Of civilization and its shifting image. Of one man's tiny role in the big organism. Of interrelationships, of the ripple effects and impacts by and upon each person, each action.

One way human society has shifted is the permissibility of attempting to control those external impacts. Once upon a time society's expectations were simple: If others inflict psychological harm, the expectation was to simply bear the weight. Now we have a different approach: Manage harmful influences, and if that doesn't work, excision is now a final option. Now we have a relatively new and more empowering concept: toxic people.

Toxic people are suffering people; this is not meant to judge. They hurt others because they hurt themselves. However, poisonous behavior must be kept in check, rather than be left to spread its effects, its stress-causing tendencies to harm and demean, for the health of individual and society. There is emerging expert advice on how to do that.

First, recognizing toxic people, some of whom are not aware of their own toxicity. Best-selling self-transformation author Guy Finley identifies four types of toxic personalities to avoid to keep one's inner life positive, reduce the studied impacts of such stress upon brain function, and bolster emotional strength:

Muckrakers: People prone to negativity, the overt can't-let-gos who dredge up old, painful events and get stuck, even revel in the anger, resentment, or bitterness related to unhappy memories. Finley advises staying away from "any spirit, in others or in yourself, that wants you to dive into some suffering over what happened in any past moment."

Mud slingers: More malicious types who seem to strengthen themselves by pulling others down, either openly or subtly. Button-pushers who use judgment, uninvited criticism, or gossip to salve their own pain by watching others suffer.

Swamp dwellers: Finley calls these mired spirits who thrive on low vibrations. If life were a highway these would be the rubber-neckers, but worse - they cause the scene. People who offer dreadful mental pictures of past and future events (their own or others', real or imagined, paranoid or informed) for the sake of the unnatural, fearful, or unhappy reactions they produce.

Life haters: Dark spirits who perpetuate their own and others' misery by resisting the beautiful gifts of life. They trick us into commiserating with their complaining, cruelty, or irritation, and we subconsciously consent with our protracted sympathies. Their negativity is catching.

Now we can identify them. What if they aren't easily avoided, such as coworkers or relatives? We look at what we control, act upon that with confidence, and let go what can't be controlled. Letting go, by ignoring them or removing reactive emotion, eliminates potency and influence.

Among others, bestselling co-author of "Emotional Intelligence 2.0," Dr. Travis Bradberry, recommends reversing toxic people's (conscious or subconscious) control of situations and relationships. Happy, healthy people employ certain common practices to cope with toxic people. Look for those in next Tuesday's column.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at [email protected]. For more information on the works of author Guy Finley visit www.guyfinley.org