To control yourself, let it go

A recent news blurb announced that an unprecedented one-third of Americans are facing debt collectors, implying that our hyper-consuming society is in default. We certainly tend to live beyond our means. We are rarely satisfied, always looking for the next "fix" - be it drug-induced escape, the latest gadget, a newer car, or more calories, coverings, and trappings far in excess of what we require.

We forget that with freedom comes responsibility. With choice, self-control. As national news editor John Yemma wrote in the March 24 issue of The Monitor Weekly: "The need for self-control as a partner in freedom has been recognized in every society. Lao-Tzu advocated it in ancient China, Plato in Greece, Horace in Rome, Benjamin Franklin in America."

To control self, one must understand it (and to understand, we must remove distractions and regularly set aside time for the endeavor). The self is a complex subject - perhaps too complex - with different spiritual and conceptual approaches. Texts of the world's majority religions describe self in terms of sinful behavior and guarding against it. Western psychology includes concepts of self from Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, and others: Self as the inner critic; the ego (the learned, superficial self of mind and body); the "false" self (created by reaction to experiences); the "subjective self" (looking in a mirror, views of others); the "witness" and "true" selves (the simple presence, the self-actualized and pure).

Me, me, me.

Maybe we humans overdo it. Too much focus on self (beyond initial understanding of our reactions and how they influence behaviors so harmful patterns may be altered), and humans tend to become hypersensitive, over susceptible to moods and influence, and sometimes, overindulgent. Who wants to feel so fragile that one comment or event can create a spiral of despair?

In Buddhism it is said there is no-self (or not-self), although that is often misconstrued. It is not the absence of self; rather there is the presence of no-self (selflessness, if you will). There is simply the action, not the actor. To focus on the former is not only more practical, but once we let go of the latter, remarkably easy. The self as something distinct from the rest of our parts and experiences is thus illusion according to this philosophy; there is the sum of body/brain chemistry, feelings, and thoughts - but these are changing by nature and can be abruptly altered by injury or intention. So to focus on them to define our core or "self" is illusory.

In a small way Scientology shares this approach; while they believe in souls with many lifetimes, solutions to suffering are focused on behavior/the re-action, rather than psychoanalysis. In Hinduism the discussion is moot; there is no individual self, only a universal whole. For many others worldwide with or without formal religious identities, "self" is primarily a cultural concept, seen mostly or exclusively in relation to community.

"The attachment to self is an illusion that serves as the main cause of suffering and unhappiness," The Dalai Lama said.

Regardless of how each person views "self," that last notion - attachment - may be the common theme to easing suffering and exercising self (or not-self) control. So what do history's most self-less - lamas, popes, rabbis, mullahs, Brahmins, and Gandhis - commonly prescribe to reduce attachment to self? Compassion. To be happy, focus outside of self - on others, on tasks, on tasks which help others (and in so acting, ourselves).

It's crazy the way it works, but letting go of attachments - to recurring thoughts and self-focus, as well as things - reduces self-doubt. It's almost as if all that "stuff" (material or mental) we gather to feel better for the short-run ironically keeps us rooted in the negative feeling which generated the indulgence in the first place, a cycle of hurt-and-indulge.

So reverse it: Shed, and keep it light. Give it away - stuff, time, energy, and focus - and see what happens. Time and time again, it seems traveling light makes the journey of life so much more fulfilling.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network who needs to shed. Contact her at Sholeh@cdapress.com.