THE FRONT ROW WITH MARK NELKE Dec. 25, 2014

| December 25, 2014 8:00 PM

My North Korea-based Internet connection was down for some nine hours the other day, so I just now stumbled upon this.

The Internet was still lagging a bit once it came back up, and the audio of the conversation was a bit sketchy. But I could have sworn I was listening to two of the great athlete/orators of our day, Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch and 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

This is what it sounded like ... I think.

Kap: Congrats on being selected to the Pro Bowl.

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Kap: That was quite the run you had the other day against Arizona. Someday you’ll have to show me how to carry the ball in one arm, and use the other arm to fling defensive backs out of bounds like they’re 4-year-old kids.

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Lynch: Speaking of long runs, I saw that 90-yarder you had against the Chargers. You showed some wheels, man. You should to that more often.

Kap: Yep.

Lynch: Bummer you’re not going to the playoffs. I figured after last year’s NFC title game, we’d be seeing you guys for years to come. What happened?

Kap: Didn’t execute.

Kap: Hey, I saw you eating Skittles on the sidelines the other day. If you drop any on the field, do you invoke the five-second rule — or are you afraid you’ll also pick up some of those chopped-up tires?

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Kap: I can’t believe those stories saying they might not bring you back next year. Ask those two Arizona DBs if you still have it.

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Kap: I get a kick out of your interviews. You’re not like that in real life, are you?

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Lynch: Besides, I’ve seen some of your interviews recently. You looked like you’d rather be chugging battery acid.

Kap: Yep.

Lynch: What about your team? You’re going to let your coach go? The one that led you to three straight NFC title games? You can’t be liking that.

Kap: Look at his resume. You’ll get your answer.

Kap: Well, good luck in the playoffs. Merry Christmas.

Lynch: Thanks for asking.

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via email at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter@CdAPressSports.