The thing about suicide

Think about the headline in Wednesday's paper.

"Williams hanged self but no answer as to why," it told you. It was backed up by the first paragraph of the story, which read:

"Although police have now revealed how Robin Williams committed suicide, the Oscar-winning actor's fans, friends and even family continue to struggle to understand why someone who spread so much joy throughout the world could find so little in his own life that he decided to stop living."

What you don't know about suicide, what you probably will never know, is far, far greater than what you can comprehend. Two years ago next Wednesday, the writer of this editorial joined the sad army of people who have lost a family member to suicide. Only that experience provides a little more insight than the bearers of mere statistics can share.

Robin Williams killed himself for exactly the reasons so many other people kill themselves. Because severe depression frequently leads to abusive self-medication - drugs and alcohol - many suicide victims see no other way out, no other way past the pain they feel so intensely regardless of the smiles they fake or the smiles they manage to bring to others.

These suicides are different and, in our view, slightly less tragic than the teen who solves a very temporary problem or hurt with a decision that lasts a lifetime - for the victim and for everyone who ever cared about that victim. In extreme cases, depression wins marathon races every time. That's what the 63-year-old Williams was running.

For most of us whose brains aren't constantly battling the bad chemistry that Mother Nature provided Robin Williams and thousands of other American suicide victims every year, throwing away a beautiful life is simply incomprehensible. Because our values are pretty well screwed up anyway, we see someone like Robin Williams with all the money and fame he could possibly want. He could travel anywhere, do anything - no limitations. Why, then, would he tighten that belt around his neck, close his eyes, laugh or cry and sail off into eternity?

Because he hurt.

Because no medicine, no prayer, no practice brought him lasting relief. That's what severe depression does, and for some adults, after years and years of unrelenting pain complicated and compounded by self-medication, the conscious decision to end it all simply makes more sense than living with it.

If you have no idea why Robin Williams killed himself, how he could commit an act so selfish and unforgivable, thank God. Be grateful his pain was beyond your ability to understand.