Liberals, see if this description fits you

I love writing responses to liberal rants like Chad Solsvik's recent letter to the editor because he used absolutely zero facts, which requires me to do absolutely no research just like he did(n't).

So Chad lets us know that all Christians and Republicans hate the disadvantaged, are heartless, that noted Republican Paul Ryan places Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" above the Bible, and that all who are not liberal minions are evil. Did I miss anything, Chad?

Here is what many from the right like myself would like to write about you and your ilk if we were not more polite and tactful. First, you should learn that there could be no help for any disadvantaged person on the planet without the capitalist system you hate so much. Money to feed, clothe, and shelter people around the globe comes from the profits of hard-working Republicans who get up early in the morning, work hard, plan their lives and have extra left over to help others. The combined success of tens of millions of successful conservatives in the middle class and upper income groups whose incomes are taxed and turned into a government's SOLE source of income easily supports entire nations of liberal people like you.

At the other end of the spectrum, liberals like you sleep late in their messy bedrooms, sit at their beat up PCs in dirty sweatpants reading liberal blogs until noon, then put on a wrinkled Peace Corps T-shirt and head over to the store in a beat up Ford Escort that puts out more pollution than an SUV. Even though they were never in the Peace Corps (overslept the day of the interview). At the store, they purchase a box of doughnuts, some cigarettes, a Hollywood Starz magazine and a Red Bull, and sneer at the well dressed lady in line at the checkout who has a bag of fresh broccoli, fruit juice, and a bag of rolled oats. When the liberal gets home, he starts checking the mailbox every 20 minutes, impatiently waiting for that government check to arrive.

Liberals believe that their lifestyle is the right one even though if 100 percent of the world's population lived like they do, our planet would be out of food by December. They believe they are easy on the planet, even though the dollars that arrive in their mailbox require the existence of a $100 trillion governmental apparatus with more than 100 million employees and the huge pollution of those 100 million commutes, hundreds of thousands of polluting buildings, etc, etc ad nauseam. In short, each dollar that arrives at your liberal mailbox probably caused 1,000 times the pollution that a dollar generated by a hard-working Republican did. And a lot of that Republican dollar went to ... well ... YOU, the left wing liberal. What did you do with your dollar?

As liberals age, their smoking, slacking no-exercise lifestyle will mean they will start to tap the healthcare system earlier and harder than their conservative counterparts. They will end their days hooked up to tubes and breathing machines costing $10K a day.

The sad thing is that most liberal lefties will never bother to look into how things work in this world deeply enough to realize that their lifestyle is essentially that of a parasite on our economy. Even the socialist economies of Europe are realizing that the socialist agenda only works until you've spent so much of the successful people's money that the economy itself slows down. At this juncture it is worth pointing out that the oldest continuously operating form of government on the planet is ... wait for it ... the USA's capitalist democracy! Yes that's right - the same country that generates 90 percent of the world's donations, creates most of the medical advances, saved many entire countries from oblivion with the best military in the world, and is your favorite whipping boy - the United States of America. We are so great that we can also allow a bunch of liberal parasites to live off our backs, puff on clove cigarettes and criticize our faith.

So, it's frustrating when a liberal starts spouting off like you did. We conservative Republicans know that to even have a chance of convincing a liberal like you of the veracity of our lifestyle, we'd first have to explain macroeconomics. Then the international monetary system. Geopolitics. And finally we'd have to get you to understand why it's important to have a moral compass not just as individuals, but to preach those values to a society at large. Unfortunately, while we consider these areas of knowledge a normal part of our day, these social principles are completely Greek to you, the "situation ethics" folks who judge things only as they apply to your immediate gratification. The task of bringing a liberal up to speed on how the world really works is so daunting that we just shake our heads and walk by you as you stand holding a sign that says "Capitalism Sukcs" (sic). In your Peace Corps T-shirt.

There, I've wrapped up the whole thing for you in 21 minutes and I didn't even have to check any pesky facts for you. Now you know how the world works.

Oh wait, there is one thing I wanted to correct that is a fact. You asserted that the Republicans passed "good Samaritan laws" making it a crime to help someone. Not surprisingly, it's actually the opposite. Good Samaritan laws protect the Samaritan from liability in the course of their good faith attempt to help. Yes, Virginia - the laws were designed to encourage helpful behavior. So, the next time you see something good going on in this world, look into who's paying for it. It won't be a guy in a Peace Corps T-shirt.

Doug Miller is a Hayden resident who says, "To avoid confusion, I am not the boat race guy."