VANDALS: Provided opportunity to teach

I read the letter with amusement. I’m sorry someone vandalized your pumpkin display, that’s a shame. What a great opportunity, however, to teach your children (I assume you have some, since the activities you described are typical of what a family with kids would enjoy this time of year) how to respond to a life challenge like this. No doubt they will face many in their lifetimes.

Problem solving is a critical skill. Kids who learn how to problem solve and communicate well are successful most of the time. What we model for them in the home determines how well they master these two critical skills. In this instance, the problem was: Someone was thoughtless and destroyed something we worked hard on.

How do you solve the problem? Well, as your letter so beautifully explained, you could respond with sarcasm, black or white, all or nothing thinking (one bad egg and the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD is now bad), more sarcasm (well I guess it does not pay to be a good and friendly person), and then blame (our holiday is now ruined and we will never celebrate this holiday again!).

Children who grow up learning that type of problem solving become victims and are really good at avoiding taking responsibility for their own choices. I’d like to suggest to you, Lois, that life is FULL of people who are thoughtless and sometimes they do things that hurt us. You would serve your children well if you would teach them this early. Then teach them the best way to respond to these inevitable challenges.

First, accept that broken people are everywhere. Second, acknowledge and grieve the loss: This feels bad, we were so proud of those pumpkins. I’m so sorry this happened. Third: Do something positive to overcome the moment. Let’s carve some more pumpkins! Let’s paint a picture of how great they looked! Let’s do something nice for someone in our neighborhood to spread some goodness around!

The message that will give your children hope and optimism is this: No matter what other people do, we are going to be good, decent and friendly people because it’s the right thing to do. Kids, one bad thing does not make the whole neighborhood bad.

There are broken people everywhere, and once in awhile you may be the target of their brokenness. It’s OK to feel bad and talk about it! Then we will do something constructive to overcome it.

ANNE PATTERSON

Post Falls