My spouse always took care of that

by Connie Clark
| June 13, 2012 9:15 PM

Several years ago a good friend of mine died from breast cancer. She had been dealing with it for several years. When she died, her husband was totally lost. Not only had he lost his beautiful wife but also the person who took care of everything. He didn't even know their pin number for their ATM card. It wasn't like he didn't know this was going to happen, she had been in hospice care for some time. He just hadn't looked beyond her death and how he would cope in the world.

My mother was the same way when my dad died. He had taken care of paying the bills each month. He was "Mr. Fix-it." Anything that went wrong with the house he was able to fix himself. He was also her chauffeur. She hadn't driven in at least 10 years. She had no clue how to manage her finances or who to call when something needed to be fixed or repaired. We were in panic when she started driving again. She had to get new tires for her car immediately not because they were wore out but because they had disintegrated from lack of use.

Many couples are in this same situation. The wife may be the one who does the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. The husband may take care of the yard, fix things that are broke, do the driving or pay the bills. We are always talking about making sure all the legal documents are in place when something happens but never seem to talk about the tasks each person takes responsibility to complete. Couples need to sit down and talk about these tasks. Show each other how to do them and where things are located. Heck, I don't even think my dad knew where mom kept the laundry soap.

These things may not seem important now but trust me, when the person who normally does them is gone and you can't ask them a question, it becomes very important.

For questions regarding home care, contact Home Helpers at (208) 769-9560 or go to www.CoeurdAleneHomeCare.com.

Listen to Connie Clark this Saturday at 4 p.m. on KYMS 89.9 FM when she speaks with Keirsten Hess with the American Red Cross to discuss the Veteran's History Project.

Connie Clark is a Certified Senior Advisor at Home Helpers/Direct Link. She can be reached at (208) 769-9560 - North Idaho or (509) 999-8440 - Spokane.