'The winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Steven'

COEUR d'ALENE - Charlene Hoffman spoke about the challenges of parenting a child with a disability. She also talked about the joys.

The guest speaker Friday at TESH's annual Pathways to Independence breakfast, Hoffman shared her story with 400 people at The Coeur d'Alene Resort.

"When you believe in someone, they're a winner," Hoffman said.

She pointed to some ways TESH has helped her adult son, Steven, who has autism and mild retardation, experience the confidence-building self-satisfaction that comes with being empowered to use a skill, to create something with others, be part of a community.

Steven participates in TESH's vocational work program. Her son was ecstatic, Hoffman said, when he received his first paycheck.

"When he makes his deposit at Wells Fargo, everyone cheers," she said.

The nonprofit TESH, established 35 years ago, provides support - life and employment skills training, job coaching and counseling, and child development services - to Kootenai County residents with disabilities and their families.

Hoffman, always a parent actively engaged in advocating for her child, talked about the challenges that began when Steven was a toddler.

His speech was delayed. He was easily irritated by sounds.

Specialists and educators initially misdiagnosed Steven, often criticizing Hoffman's parenting skills.

An audiologist told her she should "stop being an overachieving parent." When the boy was in preschool, Hoffman was told her son wasn't disciplined enough.

She said she felt like medical professionals thought she was a parent looking for an excuse with a child who was a spoiled brat.

Then, when Steven was in second grade, he was expelled from school.

After that, he was given the correct, full diagnosis of autism and mild retardation with tactile defensiveness and auditory disintegration, both sensory processing disorders that affected Steven's behavior at school.

The treatments available were behavior management or medication. Hoffman opted for the non-pharmaceutical solution.

"This was not the easiest route," Hoffman said.

She then went back to the school board with her son's diagnosis, and demanded they provide special education services for Steven. They did.

"The winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Steven," she said.

Steven blossomed.

Because his math aptitude was high, he was able to take regular math. He was the first in the class to master fractions, Hoffman said.

Steven eventually decided he wanted to be confirmed in the family's church and became the first teen with special needs to do so.

"There was not a dry eye in the church," Hoffman said.

The family moved to Post Falls, and Steven attended high school until he was 21.

Hoffman was once again perplexed about the best way to help her son.

"We all need to continue to learn from our peers," she said.

She was unsure how to provide that type of interaction for Steven.

TESH provided the answer.

Her son's personal growth and development continues, she said, as he works around caring people who believe in him and give him the chance to rise to his potential.

"I saw hope and ability in my son, but I can't do for him what TESH does," Hoffman said.

From the time he could speak, Hoffman said Steven always told her, "Mommy, you're the best."

"TESH, you are the best," Hoffman said.

TESH, in Coeur d'Alene, serves about 400 clients per year.

The nonprofit's staff members estimate more than 50,000 clients and their family members have been positively affected by TESH since its inception 35 years ago.