The Front Row with MARK NELKE May 15, 2011

For newsworthy reasons, but also for a little bit of entertainment value, we often have the Mariners games on in our office.

(If some of us had our 'druthers, it would be the Braves games on the tube, but TBS squashed that fun a few years back.)

Not that any of us are glued to the set - and, the way they play, there's no reason to be anyway - but the games often serve as background noise accompanied by the occasional news flash.

Kind of like the scanner - " ... head-on crash on I-90" ... or " ... house fire in Post Falls" ... or " ... Mariners runner advances into scoring position."

Every now and then someone in the newsroom will let out an "Oooooh" and we'll look up from punching in some bowling agate or something like that to see that the Mariners have done something monumental, like score a run. Then we go back to our work until the next big "news flash" - perhaps an hour or so later.

I'M NOT sure which is worse - the mediocre players the Mariner brass bring in to try to improve the club, or the inflated expectations the Mariner fans have for these players.

Like, did you really expect Milton Bradley to be the answer when he got here at the beginning of last season?

A talented player to be sure, not exactly someone to build a team around - and seems to get in some sort of trouble with each team he joins.

That said, you had to love the lime green ear plugs Bradley wore - even during home games - so he wouldn't have to listen to the fans. Like the sound of 12,000 fans munching on garlic fries in a 43,000-seat stadium could be that disturbing to him.

Why can't the Mariners score? Simple. Little pop in the lineup. They have a high-priced singles hitter in right field, a minor leaguer in left field and a center fielder who would probably be a backup on most clubs.

In the infield, only the first baseman (Justin Smoak) is considered a power hitter. They have a middle infielder playing third base, and a shortstop playing second.

And when they have a catcher hitting cleanup and his name isn’t Johnny Bench, that’s all you need to know.

Let’s look at some of the other fine Mariner acquisitions in recent years.

Richie Sexson and Adrian Beltre. Beltre was OK. Sexson seemed like a good idea at the time, but he didn’t produce the power numbers in Seattle that he did elsewhere, and he was eventually asked to leave.

Casey Kotchman? A defensive first baseman in a power-hitting position? Remember the fuss over picking up shortstop Jose Offerman a few years back? Jose Offerman?

Eric Byrnes? Ronny Cedeno? Endy Chavez? Bill Hall? Jose Guillen? Jose Vidro? Carl Everett? Randy Winn? Rich Aurilia? Jeff Cirillo? Ruben Sierra?

We were talking in the office the other day about how a team of former Mariners who were still in the game would do against the current squad. Cliff Lee. A-Rod. Ryan Franklin. Brandon Morrow. Adam Jones. Shin-Soo Chu. Derek Lowe. Adrian Beltre. Greg Dobbs. Yorvit Torrealba. Matt Thornton. Brian Fuentes. J.J. Putz. Jack Hannahan!

THAT SAID, the Mariners have assembled one of the best starting rotations in the majors. At first glance, the thought of facing Doug Fister and Jason Vargas might not strike fear into the hearts of opponents, but they’re not bad No. 4 and 5 guys after the M’s trot out Felix Hernandez, Michael Pineda and, yes, even Erik Bedard.

So the Mariners don’t have to have the offense of, say, the Yankees or the Red Sox to win. They just have to score a few runs, though even doing that seems like an ordeal. It’s getting to the point where something routine like a stand-up double is cause for stopping the game for a celebration.

And though hitting it out of Safeco Field is more difficult that hitting it out of some of the bandboxes in the majors, opposing players have shown it can be done, so it is possible. Maybe the Mariners can bring in some of those guys.

And the crazy thing is, in the rather-ordinary AL West, they only have to get a little bit better offensively to contend, as long as that starting pitching holds up (the bullpen, however, is another matter).

Back to Milton. If Bradley (and his ear plugs) were to surface in the Coeur d’Alene area during the winter, he would already be prepared for some real head-splitting noise — at the Fight for the Fish or Prairie Pig spirit games.

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via e-mail at [email protected].